Coffee

Lets get it over with. Lets talk coffee. Junk, holy holy, I love the stuff. I think you fall in love with things once you're good at them sometimes. To those outside the barista realm, its just this mysterious process of making non-alcoholic beverages sexy and delicious. To the barista, it is our craft, our passion, our pride and joy. We make coffee. That's right. No one else in the world can understand and appreciate its dynamics like us, and the language is multicultural. I love every bit about coffee. The history and ritualistic components involving planting, picking, and roasting beans. I love the complex flavors each fragrant cup of coffee has to offer. I love crystallizing the lactose of milk into glucose- steaming milk, and producing fluffy pillows of light, airy, milky heaven. I love having options of flavors. I love using full leaf silk tea bags to ensure tea can steep to a proper full body taste. I love espresso; especially the creama on top of each silky, rich shot. Not expresso. I love our machines. I love making drinks way sweeter than people should ever entertain the thought of enjoying. I love triple filtered water, that is free for everyone. I love putting whip cream in a perfect swirl on top of a really frilly drink. I love telling people what my favorite drinks are, and I love getting people stoked on coffee. I love having educated opinions about such a large aspect of our culture. I love coffee and I said I never would. I love having friends who love coffee as much as I do. I love coffee. Um, ok, its out of my system for the day. <3 J'adore.

Living Love

What does it mean to live? As you pause and think about this (which I know you're not-you're in reading mode, so you'll just continue to try to comprehend my sentences rather than stop to think), I want to say something. Everyone is probably right about what it means to live. You all are right. Would you like to know what I think about life though? Well, if you don't, quit reading my blog idiot. (I'm kidding I love you,  you're not an idiot). Anyways, here we go.

I know that weather you believe in God or not, we are creatures of purpose. We're happiest when we feel we are doing something that has purpose; a worthy cause, if you will. Love is supposed to be directly tied into happiness. But if you don't see the worthy cause in love, then you're not always going to derive happiness from it. The central themes surrounding ideal living are those preceding: happiness, purpose, and love. But, we're picking apart our nature and isolating the components in hopes of reaching the ideal.

It is much much simpler. Sometimes a simpler concept is harder to fathom, but here is my proposal. Happiness, love and purpose are very much the same achievement. If you decide to live your life with purpose, deciding that what you choose to do with yourself will have an impact on those around you, close or far, then the rest falls into place. We're to love with an incredible amount of purpose in our hearts. Loving and knowing that the love you choose, provide, partake in will have an effect on those around you- purposing to make meaning out of what you, deciding to move past self and into humanity- that's how you stay happy. That is how you love. That is how you live.

That's all I really can say. Actually I can say more, but there's beauty in the concise... in fact, I should probably cut the stream-of-conscious crap. Well, thats it for me and love posts for a while. All I can say is when I love you, I'm purposed. That's how God wants us to love. Feel better. You'll get hurt a long the way, but we heal, and we're meant to be broken. Just not to quit. I know these aren't nice sentences at all, but I hope the nice ideas embedded in them are what you primarily notice. Ok I'm done, <3 and peace.

Tender Wonder

Stare at me with childlike wonder
And I'll always match your gaze
Tender affection
Deep awe

I am truly amazed
Your capacity to appreciate astounds me
Even more so amazing
Is how I can
Reciprocate

So have another bite
I'll make you another plate
Keep staring in awe
I'll wonder back

This is the best love poem I think I've written, hope you like it

Stepping in puddles, I come to this

Oh to cry when I look at you!
I rejoice in the components of
A personality thriving, and drink
Into the life of a life well lived.
Beauty costs nothing but is well
Spent on the depths of a tangled soul-
Unkept, dazzling, in innocent
Intoxication; breathe out.

Adjust a tie, slip on a pump heel-
Tis' fascinating how civility covers
The wild and raw, intending to enhance
Art and showcase the life but only
Succeeds in providing contradiction to
The inner breath. Not the primal beat that
Controls physical drive, but the
Lustrous illumination of meaning
In a complex soul.

Precious are the times we share;
Time as a quantity of brief intimacy.
Golden eras of my life are built up in
Moments of discovering true love,
True hearts, unparalleled ribbons of
Wholesome truth woven into the
Pattern of my existence.
It is partly because of you but mostly
Is the result of what is grander than us.

The revelation is this.
As I paint my body and my clothes
With droplets falling from the clouds,
I wish to stride and dance.
Breaking out in unbridled motion
As my head fills with musical thoughts,
And my heart opens its floodgates.
To understand that I'm not meant to
Understand, to love with feelings
Unnatural to the soil of our foundation,
To escape into a place, gazing and soaking
Where life flows free because of abounding truth.

And my thoughts come back to you because
You're so much a part of this,
You are so beautiful,
It makes me want to cry.

my take on love

Love. Luve. Loooooovveee. luf. LOVE.The word is a loose word. We use it to describe lust. We use it to describe like. We use it to ascribe affection to people, places, inatimate objects, intangible ideas. It makes perfect sense.
What is LOVE?
 Is it an emotion? Is it a sensation? Is it desire? Is it commitment? Is it an action? .... I will say yes, to all of those, and many more thangs of dat nature.
BUT, if you take a look at the way you use the word, it is all in relation to YOU. "I love you, I love this, I love that, I love how this happens"... When you use a word in this context, it is immediately subjugated to all your own opinions, all your own beliefs, and has to be in relation to YOURSELF.
However, we have this romantic idea that LOVE is somehow unconditional. If you keep putting LOVE into your context, then it is conditional to you.
No, no no no no no no no no no no no no. If we want love to be UNCONDITIONAL, we must take ourselves out of the equation.
Whatever YOU decide, the fact remains- people need love. It does not matter that YOU love someone. The truly selfless demand that someone is deserving of love, weather or not it comes from them, weather or not their opinion on love differs, weather or not they think they need it, despite anything they may think. That person needs love... thats what you decide.
THEN, you see that everyone needs LOVE. and it has nothing to to with you. LOVE exists weather or not you do, weather or not you choose to show it, weather or not its reciprocated, weather its an action, a desire, a commitment, a sensation, weather or not they see it, LOVE IS.
I just think that if we quit worrying about how we fit into love, and we step back, love is bigger, stronger, and more REAL than us. It doesn't matter so much. FORGET yourself, LOOK at those around you, and TRULY, you will find love.

That's an 18 year old girl's take on it. I've never been in a relationship, I let my heart break often. Maybe that didn't make sense, but that's fine. Je t'aime <3

home is wherever I am with you

Her:
Alabama, Arkansas
I do love my ma and pa
Not that way that I do love you

Him:
Holy moley, me oh my
You're the apple of my eye
Girl, I've never loved one like you

Her:
Man, oh man, you're my best friend
I scream it to the nothingness
There ain't nothing that I need

Him:
Well, hot and heavy, pumpkin pie
Chocolate candy, Jesus Christ
Ain't nothing please me more than you

Both:
Ah, home
Let me go home
Home is wherever I'm with you
Ah, home
Let me go home
Home is wherever I'm with you

La, la, la, la, take me home
Mother, I'm coming home

Him:
I'll follow you into the park 
Through the jungle, through the dark
Girl, I never loved one like you

Her:
Moats and boats and waterfalls
Alleyways and pay phone calls
I've been everywhere with you

Him:
That's true
Laugh until we think we'll die
Barefoot on a summer night
Never could be sweeter than with you

Her:
And in the streets you run a-free
Like it's only you and me
Geez, you're something to see

Both:
Ah, home
Let me go home
Home is wherever I'm with you
Ah, home
Let me go home
Home is wherever I'm with you

La, la, la, la, take me home
Daddy, I'm coming home

(talking)
Him: Jade
Her: Alexander
Him: Do you remember that day you fell out of my window?
Her: I sure do, you came jumping out after me
Him: Well, you fell on the concrete, nearly broke your ass, you were bleeding all over the place and I rushed you out to the hospital, you remember that?
Her: Yes, I do
Him: Well, there's something I never told you about that night
Her: What didn't you tell me?
Him: While you were sitting in the backseat smoking a cigarette you thought was going to be your last, I was falling deep, deeply in love with you, and I never told you until just now

Both:
Ah, home
Let me go home
Home is wherever I'm with you
Ah, home
Let me go home
Home is where I'm alone with you

Him:
Home
Let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you

Her:
Ah, home
Yes I am home
Home is when I'm alone with you

Her:
Alabama, Arkansas
I do love my ma and pa
Moats and boats and waterfalls
Alleyways and pay phone calls

Both:
Ah, home
Let me go home
Home is wherever I'm with you
Ah, home
Let me go home
Home is where I'm alone with you 

J'adore. When I said I love you I meant it.

What does it take to extend conversation past spoken language? What is that even called? Is it some type of hybrid cross between modalities of communication? Does it transcend meaning of normal words? I know what your initial thoughts are… and physicality is definitely not a transcendent mode of conversation; it is at best comparable to speech and writing. Upgrading verbal language- what does it?

I think its eyes. I’m not going to say eyes are the windows into the soul, someone else already said that. They are a type of illumination though. When man discovered fire, I imagine there was a beautiful woman next to him, and he looked into her eyes, and in the same instance, the spark igniting love was lit.

Eyes say everything. You’re taught to look someone in the eyes when you’re talking to them. Even still, we look away when we lie, when we’re embarrassed, when we’re perusing our thoughts for the right words, we look away when we’re mad, when were frustrated.

I have this look I give when I’m mad that could make puppies cry. I have this look (that’s usually on my face) that looks very rapt. Some people think I’m depressed or I have a huge weight on my shoulders. I have this look I give when I’m seriously concerned. And I have laughing eyes. I’m told I put a lot of emotion into my looks. Do I do that on purpose? Maybe. Sometimes.

 I’ve seen livid eyes, filled with crazed rage. I’ve seen laughing eyes. I’ve seen concerned eyes. I’ve seen rapt eyes. I’ve seen people give each other love eyes. I’ve had a handful of people give me those eyes where it seems they see right into who I am.

Eyes are powerful things.

…Its charging emotions with each spoken word. Language could never become elevated past calculative communication without eyes. I love you would be statement without sincerity, depth, or feeling.

So, when I tell you I love you, I’ll look you in your eyes, you’ll look back at me, we’ll peer into each other’s inner self, and we’ll mean it. I love you. <3  (Je t’aime.) 

True Hearts

I will posses your heart
Though you don't wear it on your sleeve
I know you're just like me
And my intentions are sincere

I will gently place my head
Right above your beating heart
And release it from its cage
And sent it to the stars

Where it will float up
Gently, softly, gleaming
Repaired from all the damage
Done by those who do you harm

I will never do you harm
And never hold you back
From hopes and dreams and
Other things you aspire to enact

And you will have it all
Though you may not believe
I swear you'll have it all
You will accomplish many things

When you will arrive, at your grave
People will remark, about your name
You- standing out in history that
You sought out to change
How it changed

Our bodies, will be in dirt
Where our souls will be untethered,
Removed from all the hurt
In the world

And we will stay together
I, possessing your heart,
You, possessing mine,
Unscathed by the rhythms of space and time

apathy

Languor, lethargy, indifference, passivity, unemotional- the lack of concern.

Some days I long for apathy. The ability to remain unaffected, to come out unscathed, emotionally and mentally triumphant. To reach that point where you actually quit caring is so difficult, but I just imagine it would be so much easier there. Seeing the world not with jaded eyes, but apathetic eyes. Decisions made are simpler, and you never have to let feelings run away with your stability.
I've wanted that for some time now.
BUT
 I refuse apathy. I've seen what it does to people, beautiful passionate people with dreams, ambitions, and uncontrollable hearts- they become numb. To desert real concern for the sake of stability is one of the worst decisions made. I understand wanting that. It hurts so much to let your heart remain vulnerable. You just say, that's it, I don't care. But if we truly stop caring, what's left? The answer- ourselves. Engaging in lethargy leaves only room for you.
SO.
Whenever emotion strikes, instability presents itself and I get hurt. Still, I purpose in my heart to remain affected- to let the injury strike, the pain to come, and the wound to heal. And when happiness ensues, I welcome it gladly, share it with others, and remember its sacredness. I cry in worship because my God loves me. And I cry for people who are hurting. I give big hugs, and I always say I love you. And I want to fix things. I refuse to stop caring. No matter how hard it is.
NEVER SURRENDER TO APATHY. Je t'aime <3

Under Control

I don't want to waste your time,
I don't want to waste your time.
I just want to say -
I've got to say,
We worked hard, darling
We don't have no control
We're under control

I don't want to do it your way,
I don't want to do it your way.
I don't want to give it to you, your way.
I don't want to know...

I don't want to change your mind,
I don't want to change the world.
I just want to watch it go by.
I just want to watch you go by.
We were yound, darling
We don't have no control
We're out of control

I don't want to do it your way,
I don't want to do it your way.
I don't want to give it to you, your way.
I don't want to know...

I don't want to change your mind,
I don't want to waste your time.
I just want to know you're alright.
I've got to know you're alright;
You are young, darling
For now, but not for long
Under control.

On Poetic Love

But maybe this is better less poetic
We really don't have to be so serious you know
Heck, we're pretty silly come to think of it
I guess its your call though

If you want to be somber, I'm down
You know I have a melancholy mind
Even still, I'd rather sit and make each other laugh
Than romance in some tortured love to find

Look, I know its not really one or the other
I'm just proposing my stance if forced to choose
Because it seems to me that poetic love
Always implies the need for a muse

Muses are quite helpful I guess
But why pinpoint the cause of our adoration
The simple fact is I love you baby
And for that I choose the simpler demonstration

to he who dwells with sorrow

Why do you dwell amongst Sorrow my love?
You hang thine head in remorse, your body in
A withered stance. Do you know of my love for thee?
Yes, Sorrow's easily found, and will never leave the
Haunts of thy soul, but I shall
Boast in mine own devotion.
Has Sorrow ever been known to console thy pains,
Or dress thy wounds?
Does Sorrow ease thy convictions?
Does she love thee back?
Her beauty is divine, but thine own lover
Is dying from your pain.
So lift thy head up love, and let
Your sight return fixed upon me.

EMOTIONAL love

We don't ask for emotions... and when we do, they don't appear how, when, for whom we want them to. Its difficult, to make judgments based off these things. When you think about it, its an interesting correlation we make; somehow, we're supposed to rationalize decisions based off of the irrational. Emotions aren't rational; we're compelled to do something based off of a feeling, not because anything we know or were taught. So is using emotions to make decisions unintelligent? Before you quickly answer yes or no, lets look at some more properties of decision making and of emotions. The decision making process is often a complex systematic break down of physical need, tangible evidence, human instinct, instilled morals, and sensory perception. Emotion is tied into "feeling", which can be cerebral as well as physical, chemical and mental. Well, I don't understand the physics and mechanics tied into emotions or feeling, but I  do know that it is associated with intuition. Why do certain things give you a "bad feeling". Why do some people make you "feel" different than you usually do about people. Why do girls cry, ALL THE TIME? Emotions, and for whatever reason, were designed to have and use them. I think, as surprising as this is, its because logic and ration need balance. To be able to facilitate all the components of our person, to marry the intellectual resonation with the spiritual, to be HUMAN means we're to have emotions. So, could love be an emotion? Maybe. But perhaps, to love, or be in love, is a cognitive decision, one that requires us to facilitate all reasoning strategies, and all feeling. Its logic, its poetic, its emotional. Love love love you. Just a thought. <3

Always Where I Need To Be

She don't know who she is, 
Oh, I can take her anywhere, 
Do whatever comes naturally to you, 
You know she just don't care, 
You know she just don't care, 

'Cause I am always where, 
I need to be, 
And I always thought, 
I would end up with you eventually, 

Do do-do do do do do... 

Now I see her again, 
I asked to be a hummingbird, 
Whisper words in her ear, 
Oh, now you know I just don't care, 
You know she just don't care, 

'Cause I'm always where, 
I need to be, 
And I always thought, 
I would end up with you eventually, 

Do do-do do do do do... 

Say! 

If this isn't real love, man, I don't want real love ;)

Sorry, there weren't any good videos to pick from... listen though. Je t'aime <3

Loving Music

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This is my biggest hobby. It probably isn't right, yet I am still prideful in my connection to this unique social/linguistic dynamic of the English society. I don't want to get into any philosophical verbatim surrounding this phenomena, I just want to get straight to application. The most intense musical experiences can happen in a variety of ways, in different settings, but here is one of my favorite ways to experience music.
side note. I love music. love love love it. yep, I can ascribe actual love to this intangible idea (music).
 Here you go. A secret to enjoying the music you listen to, and doing so with more of you.
1. headphones. gooooooooood ones. Dewd, ones that allow each instrument, chord, breakdown, lyric to be articulated with clarity and dynamic. Ones that actually transport you away from reality.
2. Then, put your ipod on shuffle. Ok... this will only work well if you absolutely love everything you own. If you don't,  create a quick playlist with maybe 20 artists and a good 60 to 200 songs. (the more, the better) then, shake it up! (thats the physical cue to shuffle your songs. You should have your headphones on by now.)
3. Have your bed made, your sheets smelling good... not just neutral, GOOD smelling, and adjust the lighting to suit your mood. Usually a softer lighting works better for this exercise. If you're really cool, you'll light a few good smelling candles, and let that warm, subtle light tranquilize your mind.
4. Lay down. Have all your extremities naturally separated, and lie as flat as possible, and try to focus on slowing down your breathing, making each cycle more meaningful. Then, pick a focal point for you to gaze upon.... usually a speck or something on your ceiling will suffice.
5. By now, your well on your way to getting lost in the music, you've already calmed your mind, relaxed your body, and the only concern you have right now is on appreciating the music taking control of you. Then, thats when you feel the music. Crazy, dumb, chiche, lame, or awesome.. whatever you wanna call it, here's what happens. You think about where you feel the music. Some songs, cords, even lyrics will make you fell differently. Sometimes you'll feel it in your toes, or sliding on your arms, or dizzying your head, or piercing your heart, I'm serious. Its a physical, cerebral, emotional, transcendental experience to allow yourself to get lost in music. I can't describe it any better than that, you have to try it for yourself <3 Mon Coeur

Let us be

Let us be best friends, just for one day-

So I can show you everything I love,

And talk and confide in one who knows.

Me, you, I, us, we go together-

Well, we would at least just once.

We could go slowly, like freezing time,

And look at beautiful things

Like wispy weeping willows, and 

Wild roses, and chipping homes,

And the dampened sky that amazes

Our eyes every time we gaze.

Oh, how nice it would be!

I could open my heart through the 

Language of words and touch.

My soul would reach out to yours,

With a steady hand and lift it up

So mine and yours could be happy together,

And feel complete under Watchful Eyes.

It will be so intensely calming because 

We could gently stare into each other's 

Eyes and see what lies behind them;

Everything beautiful life.

I would gladly take such a day

To spend on time with you, for

Everything of worth is of no value

Compared to what we could share.

What an amazing gift of love we

Have received! Such that we can enjoy 

Through innocent conversation and intimate

Understanding. Such things the 

World has rarely known, and to 

Find the opportunity to discover 

This with you, for just one day...

Lets be best friends.

Fevrier

This is the month of love, mostly attributed to the charismatic holiday, Valentine's Day. Well, I think in order to honor this affectionate time, my posts will be on LOVE. Most of you reading are Christians, so I just want to warn you ahead of time- what I will be posting, describing, musing on is not necessarily the profound, unconditional, immense love gifted and demonstrated through God. I will be taking a more superficial approach. I will be portraying various attributes of tangible, human love. Attributes such as affection, complication, poetry, imagination, analysis, and romance. The ultimate goal I have in this is not to persuade anyone in one direction or another on love, it is simply to have fun, get in touch with that emotional side, and hopefully, get more people reading my stuff. If I don't write, I tend to explode, so I figure the more I do so, the less chance I have of ending in ruin. J'adore <3 


This will involve a lot of music, lyrics, poetry, and short stories. To kick off, I'm sharing this video and lyrics... C'mere by Interpol. Its about "falling in love" with the wrong person. Who hasn't done that before? haha, all is angst when you're a teen like me C:






It's way too late to be this locked inside ourselves
The trouble is that you're in love with someone else
It should be me. Oh, it should be me
Sacred parts, your get aways
You come along on summer days
Tenderly, tastefully

And so may, we make time
Try to find somebody else
This place is mine

You said today, you know exactly how I feel
I had my doubts little girl
I'm in love with something real
It could be me, that's changing!

And so may, we make time
To try and find somebody else
Who has a line

Now season with health
Two lovers walk a lakeside mile
Try pleasing with stealth, rodeo
See what stands long ending fast

Oh, how I love you
And in the evening, when we are sleeping
We are sleeping. Oh, we are sleeping

And so may, we make time
We try to find somebody else
Who has a line

Now season with health
Two lovers walk a lakeside mile
Try pleasing with stealth, rodeo
See what stands long ending fast