Always Dying

There was once a time

There was once a time,

 I thought I knew for certain

The signs of living

Etched in a chest beating

Carved in lungs breathing

Pain, feeling

It was the feeling I thought

I knew

The key to unlock the door

Of one room containing

The notion that this feeling

Of death remaining

May itself transcend feeling

That is to say I’m dead

Is feeling what keeps us alive?

Is to grow numb to die?

Life walks before the weary eye

If I feel dead, but am still alive

What is death but another chance

To perceive what lies nigh?

Surely there was a time

There must have been a time

When every moment I had

I knew I was living

Everything was worth giving

My time

But this feeling I have

This feeling whose truth

May transcend feeling

Tells me I am dying

Death lingers on each breath

Perceptiveness evades with death

And every single moment

Is just another way to die.

On Love

1 John 4:8-10 (NKJ) He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 


I still have a lot to learn about love. My tendencies towards actions and attitudes relating to the subject hold true. True in the sense that despite recent experiences and losses, I remain confident my perception is not only correct, but it will also sustain me more than alternative notions. 


How do we define the world around us? - Physically and mentally. Through perceptions. Through perspectives of others- taught and invented. With language. Verbally and nonverbally. Using imagination, memory, and other cognitive functions of the brain. Perhaps even spiritually…? I have come to realize "definitions" are as alive as the trees that grow, they are creatures of the most powerful nature- incorporating everything in the human experience of the world. A word, an image, a life means a lot. 


So- defining love. As a word- love has different meanings depending on its function (noun or verb), also depending on content, and on language. I'm curious as to how it's been linguistically defined, because written definitions come from human experiences. Love, as we have come to define it emerged from how people lived it. It was probably translated from languages based on societal and individual interpretations of its usage and meaning. It could be even that whoever began using the word in literature wanted heavier meaning in it than was socially observed. One man could have altered the definition dramatically. As social creatures, did we exhibit  actions that demanded the word? Did the word demand an action?


It is one of the most malleable words in the English language. It carries idiosyncratic definitions- where it means something different to almost everyone. The definitions can be mutual or exclusive. And, our definitions of the word seem to be best translated by how we exhibit "love" in our own lives. We at least try to practice what we preach. People who are confused about its definition seem to be confused about how to practically apply knowledge of it. There's just a lot going on- and all of this chaotic interpretation and application seems as difficult, even more difficult at times, than the philosophical grapplings of science and religion. 


Even still, that is no excuse for frustration and hopelessness. Personally, I believe the best way to go about this is to learn all definitions of the word- every form of definition. The broader my understanding of love, the broader my practical application of the word will be. I could therefore communicate and express love to anyone and everyone. The more I live out the definition, the more my life is redefined! One of the cornerstones of Christ's message is to share His love. If His definition of love is true, and He can love infinitely, then we must must carry the capacity for infinite love- holding our "definition" of a relationship with God to be true. This is amazing! Not only do I have an infinitely expanding definition of love, I also have an infinite potential for love! With infinite potential capacity and definition found in love, my life can have infinite meaning! This is paradoxical, because definition itself implies finite, but it is encouraging still- because God gifted us language for this very reason. Meditation and investigation of verbal and written language reveal the astounding hope and joy within Christ. We are meant to live and to love! 


I am satiated in the pursuit of those meanings. <3 Cheers


OH AND THIS

to feel you are dying reveals you are still alive. feeling denotes perception- even so- check again. because you may not like what lies behind what you find.

Nightime

Freedom comes by night

In my bedroom prison

Candles lit and shoes hidden

By the window I wait for fright

Cheeks pressed against my window

I wait for fright

The cold chilling down to my chest

I slowly undressed

Beckoning the light

Come, come down into my room

In my bedroom prison

I promise to keep you hidden

From the monsters who consume

Feet follow out the window

We crawl towards the sea

Cold chilling on my chest

Freedom tells me I'm blessed

Stay with me

love is cast in the ocean when the tides reflect the moon