Snow

I'm being hunted
Still keeping my pace slow
On a path he can track
Footprints still light
Scent, gently whispered on the leaves
Breath, giddy and low

I know what the hunter doesn't know
He cannot hear you howl at the moon like me
He cannot see your shadow behind the tree
You were the wolf all along

Too far away to see me cry
But you know the stars eyes twinkle just like mine
As soon as I decide
To run
He'll shoot me down

And we'll die

Halloween Stuff

He says I’m creepy and I like creepy things

It is a cute thing to say and a cute way to think

Little does he know of who Sinister is

I’m good don’t get me wrong

But I’m growing older and exposure is prolonged

To the monsters in my room

Their chokehold is strong

This news isn’t new

But he’s a new guy

What is creepy to him is just another black sky

To me

What I go to bed to every night

“Are you going to have nightmares from that?”

He put the image of a worm crawling out of a man’s head

Into my mind

I laugh and I’m cute again

Little does he know, Sinister stands behind

Fright turns to excitement to comfort every time

If I could cry on command

He would hold me strong every dark night

But it’s one am and it’s time for me to go home

They’ll be waiting for me

Insistent I return alone

They’ll hold me tighter in the night than he

Insistent on choaking out my eternity

Children

I love a boy

Against my will

Against my better judgement

Like a child

This love is too big

This world is far too big

To try and exist at all

This love makes me small

It makes me a small little girl

Reminiscent of days when my hair used to curl

And I would talk to the sage and the wind

Reminiscent of days that lasted a thousand years

And I would twirl my dress in the wind

I can’t save his soul

You make our souls glow bright

Something we never asked for

We grew accustomed to the darkness

Until you took us up in flight

Until you made us twinkle like the stars in the night

This love makes us innocent and small

In this world we tried to leave behind

Is his lost soul what it took to save mine?

You knew his soul is tethered to mine?

Grab our small hands, clasped and intertwined

And cast out our fears past the sky

The train is coming and we want to go home

Its Not What You Say

The music hums past a loud drone
We're trapped inside
The sea outside keeps us alone
I've tried
Times like these before I've tried
To play the game between strangers' eyes
But none have nibbled at the bait
Until tonight

You have hooks of your own
Ones I'll tempt you to use
Ones that'll make me sick
Ones that I'll want to abuse
Perhaps you understand

If someone like me
Has looked at you
In that way
You froze your breath
And looked away
But even when you looked back
They set you on fire with wanton gaze

If enticing looks lie inside the imagined world
Of what you crave
Look back at me
It won't rain all night
In this desert sky
Let my lightning bolt light you up
Until you die

Electrified

T.S. Eliot

This is my favorite excerpt from T.S. Eliot's Family Reunion.  (The very last part of Act III)

Chorus: 

We do not like to look out the same window, and see quite a different landscape. 

We do not like to climb a stair, and find that it takes us down. 

We do not like the maze in the garden, because it too closely resembles the maze in the brain. 

We do not like what happens when we are awake, because it too closely resembles what happens when we are asleep.

We understand the ordinary business of living,

We know how to work the machine,

We can usually avoid accidents,

We are insured against fire,

Against larceny and illness,

Against defective plumbing,

But not against the act of God.

We know various spells and enchantments,

And various forms of sorcery,

Divination and chiromancy,

Specifics against insomnia,

Lumbago, and the loss of money.

But the circle of our understanding

Is a very restricted area.

Except for a limited number

Of strictly practical purposes

We do not know what we are doing;

And even, when you think of it,

What is happening outside of the circle?

And what is the meaning of happening?

What ambush lies beyond the heather

And behind the Standing Stone?

Beyond the Heaviside Layer

And behind the smiling moon?

And what is being done to us?

And what are we, and what are we doing?

To each and all of these questions

There is no conceivable answer.

We have suffered far more than a personal loss--

We have lost our way in the dark.

Ivy: I shall have to stay till after the funeral: will my ticket to London still be valid?

Gerald: I do not look forward with pleasure to dealing with Arthur and John in the morning. 

Violet: We must wait for the will to be red. I shall send a wire in the morning.

Charles: I fear that my mind is not what it was-- or was it?-- and yet I think that I might understand. 

All: But we must adjust ourselves to the moment: we must do the right thing.

[Enter, form one door, Agatha and Mary, and set a small portable table. From another door, enter Denman carrying a birthday cake with lighted candles, which she sets on the table. Exit Denman. Agatha and Mary walk slowly in single file round and round the table, clockwise. At each revolution they blow out a few candles, so that their last words are spoken in the dark.] 

Agatha:

A curse is slow in coming 

To complete fruition

It cannot be hurried

And it cannot be delayed

Mary:

It cannot be diverted

An attempt to divert it

Only implicates others

At the day of consummation

Agatha:

A curse is a power

Not subject to reason

Each curse has its course

Its own way of expiation

                       Follow Follow

Mary:

Not in the day time

And in the hither world

Where we know what we are doing

There is not its operation

                      Follow Follow

Agatha:

But in the night time

And in the hither world

Where we know what we are doing

There is not its operation

                     Follow Follow

Mary:

A curse is written 

On the under side of things

Behind the smiling mirror

And behind the smiling moon

                      Follow Follow

Agatha:

This way the pilgrimage

Of expiation

Round and round the circle

Completing the charm

So the knot be unknotted

The cross be uncrossed

The crooked be made straight

And the curse be ended

By intercession

By pilgrimage

By those who depart

In several directions

For their own redemption

And that of the departed--

                          May they rest in peace.

The Dark Erosion of Consciousness

Ivy threw herself on the bed

Plummeting into a waifing ocean of lavender and downy pillows

Recklessly tangling her writhing body in a pile of covers

She was waiting

Waiting to emerse herself in her prophetic dreams

Daytime is when she would usually meet

The Shaman

Lazarus 

King of the dead

He 

Lazarus

Was the one who taught her how to spin the mirror

Until her image had turned

And she had become a monster of the stagnant night

"Lady Green"

Is what he called her

His prodigy of manipulation

Blissful chaos ensued in those dreams

Little Ivy

The nymph of the well

Lured men into the deep

A certain torturous hell

For those afraid of the slippery, damp and dark

Lazarus ate those mens' hearts like cherries rotting off the pits

And she sank deeper,

Deeper,

Into a dark sleep

Dark Circles of the Moon

I have learned now, to place a cloth over my face
Before smothering it with a pillow
There is nothing to be gained
By stained pillows, other than new pillows
To stain

As stifled sobs exit my face
Through muddy eyes
And blotchy cheeks
I cringe and sigh
At the thought of how ugly I have become

Sadness, like all emotions
Comes in waves
Which is why I try to fill my heart
And lungs
With fiery passions to chase away

The rainy days
Of my sorrowed heart-
Its attached to the Moon
The saddest creature, I presume
But still the one I love

Less than Apathy

He dreamt it again
Falling out of an eternal window
His favorite dream
Maybe he'll die in his sleep
For the meantime
He keeps waking up
In his bed alone
The only bed he's ever known
Little does he know
His love died three thousand years ago
Some Babylonian princess
Entombed in a vague myth

She guided me in a dream
One night
To his bedroom prison
And after we placed him on a small boat
It drifted swiftly with precision
She lit the entire world on fire
Thousands of slaves carrying torches
Trudging through the muck and mire
I sleep on a bed of ancient flames
But if I quench them
He will remain
Alone

Haunted Souls Know

What was written on your face when she walked out that door?

I know its not fair of me to ask and your pain has grown old

I think about that look and long for your face

If I was her I would have looked back and saved it 

Seen the pain in your soul through your eyes

I would never ask it of you, for I will see it one day soon

It will disgust you, but I still must say 

That the look of sorrow and despair 

Is what sends me to the grave of love

The first man, my slender man

Looked at me that way when I was fresh and young

I hadn’t been the one to break his heart

But when we were done, before my time had come

He opened up his broken heart for me to see

He couldn’t be helped

But I wanted him so desparately 

I had found my love grew strong in the wakes of another’s hollow heart

And those hot summer nights

With my Egyptian King

He was more of a petty young boy with a vacant soul

I used all my magic to make his sorrow come from me

I wanted him to despair from my adoration

Like the foolish, plain woman who ruined him before I came

“Love doesn’t work like that”

The enchantress in my heart swallowed her flames and left him

Far away, forgotten, before he could even taste the ashes 

And the others- countless casualties

Of my livid desire to perfect the art of ruining a man

Not through seduction, not through manipulation, not through chastity

But through the unholy flames of persuasion

The darkest magic that is purified with each broken man’s blood

Their sorrow disgusted me- it was mine to keep

But none was worthy of adorning my unhappy crown

What are you looking for, my Shaman, my shapeshifter in the night?

You are a nomad roaming the desolate battlefields of broken men

It wouldn’t take long for me to take you captive in this dark realm I own

I couldn’t keep you for long- that’s not your way

But you could stay- I’ll make a sacrifice for a safe passage

I dare you- take me captive-imprison my soul

We cannot change the past

No matter how powerful our magic arts might be

But you could stay here with me 

And make this dark night last forever

Lucidity

To die in slumber would be a horrible death
Have you ever slept with me?
Did you check?
If I pulled back the blinds while you were lying fast asleep
I wouldn't recall my deeds
But the monsters conversing with me, forcefully
Would concur, indeed
That you haven't seen me sleep
Let alone climb into my dreams

Under spells of slumber and bodily chemistry
Suppressed under sleep nearing REM
I'm too asleep to set myself free
These walls have caged me in
Supernatural superstition exists beyond reality
Where men's faulty minds roam free
It's dangerous for an introvert like you
Like me

Lucidity is power
Control the mind's alternate realm
Embrace superstition
Shake the fabric of time reality confines us in
Stare at the empty mirror
Fight to stay awake
Don't be a helpless victim
Left to die alone in your own dreamscape

BE A FREE THINKER

I believe in everyone retaining the rights to their own ideas, beliefs, processing methods, and dreams. In that, free thinking and open dialogue should be essential in preserving these rights. They should also be a pleasure and a point for personal growth and development for those engaging in such dialogue. However, this notion of collective individualism and free thinking has become a point of contingency impeding the very dialogue it should induce! This, unfortunately, comes from categorizing people into "open-minded" and "closed minded"groups.

Often times, people learn that I am a Christian. Either they have known me for a while and I share this fact with them or I tell them in initial greetings. After they have learned this fact, people begin to assess my behaviors in a different way. Generally what people tell me is "I can't believe you're a christian!" Or, "Wow, it's cool that you're so open minded." If they're christian, I usually hear "Its so nice to work with/be friends with someone who thinks like me/shares my values." While I am deeply flattered by these generous assessments, I also have been challenged by them.

The idea and principle of being open minded is wholesome and positive. I am all for it. I like to consider myself a free thinker. But the context in which the terms open and closed minded are used is what troubles me. People who call me "open minded" have an implicit attachment to the term "for someone who is religious." I can understand from a shallow analysis that religion has produced behaviors in poeple (in many cases) resembling group, limiteid thinking, behaviors that many attach "closed minded" to. But why has this idea of "closed minded" people been soley ascribed to those in religion?

Everyone, everyone on this planet has societal, market, communal, and political forces shaping and pushing their views on everything! Who can truly say that every decision they have made that shapes their worldview has been made after careful and equal analysis of all opposing veiwpoints, void of all environmental bias? Not one person can argue this.

With that being said, it is fair to conclude that everyone has a certain degree of personal bias and social influence that predisposes them to some ideas quicker than others. So what behavior must take place in order for an individual to be seen as open minded? Well, essentially what people want to see is an open communication channel on worldview and lifestyle decisions. This is demonstrated through conversation. If there are disagreements between two person's individual beliefs, ideally, what would happen would be for each person to listen to the other, discuss reasons for disagreement, and see if any value can be added or changed after this discussion to each person's worldviews.

In order to be open minded, a person should be resectful of all opinions and lifestyles of each individual. However those who associate themselves with the "open minded" are close minded to "close minded" individuals and are close minded in their treatment and dialogues with them! Issues like gay marriage, abortion, healthcare, religious freedom and the like are prime playgrounds for blame passing and judgement. For example, if someone has an opinion that abortion is wrong in all cases other than rape and incess, they are seen as "close minded" and are not given the chance to open up in dialogue with the person of a differing viewpoint.

Just because a person is religious does not mean they can't engage in fair, analytical inquiry of their opinions. Just because a person is not religious does not mean they are inheritantly openminded. Everyone has the capacity to accept and refute ideas at different levels of engagement and cognition.

SO. I propose something else for those of us who think ourselves to be openminded and free thinkers. Rather than using this description to label, segregate, and judge others, we should use it to assess ourselves. If you truly want to be open minded, you must first decide, not necessicarily that everyone's opinions and reasons thusly are valid, but that every human being is valid. Every person you come in contact with is an individual, a member of humanity, and should be treated as someone worth value. Even on a basic human level- regardless of how irrational a person may seem- they are to be valued. After all, if you're the open minded one, you should be the one who can accept their differences and realize that they are part of the same species as you.

If you are able to treat people with this decent acceptance level, you should then be able to recognize their opinions and differences as learning oppertunites that help create value and meaning in your own life. If you are open minded, then every new person and disagreement should be readily welcomed as a chance to learn something from someone else. I'm not saying that you go out and immediately strike up conversation with people about heated topics every chance you get. I'm saying that you should embrace these conversations as they come into you're life.

No, its not easy. Yes, some people will get on your nerves. But the key to having an open mind is not trying to change others, its learning where they're coming from. Learn the congition processes and environmental forces shaping their worldview. Most importantly, being open minded means listening! Be a good listener. Let people speak. You don't have to agree with everything they're saying, you just have to show them that you respect them as a human being, and that you care enough about their opinion to hear what they have to say. Then, you may start to see people opening up their minds and show you what's working behind them. Prove people wrong! Show them love and caring they would never imagine in the world of debate and then you will not only start to see more clarity in your own lign of thought, but you will help the wheels start to turn in the minds of whom you listen.

If they don't want to hear your opinion, fine. That is their own choice. But respect them anyways. Know that as an open minded person, you are secure enough in your own reasoning that you don't need to superimpose it on all who disagree with you. If the thought of engaging in dialogue with people "way different" and "way too religious" for you is revolting, well, maybe you're not as open minded as you think. Being open minded is about releasing your pride and contempt for people of the world and discovering new life and expansive ideas that infuse meaning into your own line of thought. It is an exciting journey and process, but should never be used as a term to degrade and condemn others.

We aren't living in a world of open minded and closed minded thinkers. We're living in a world of people with brains and hearts and the oppertunity to discover and share them.

Manifesto

I keep my identity hidden as long as needed
Ambiguity is my closest friend
For now
I contradict any superstitions imposed
And keep my friends in the corner confined
I wish to burst fourth in freedom
In freedom release my soul from chains
These chains are not of my own invention
But rather
Designed by one who wishes me to remain
Undamaged
Perhaps I'll go insane

Until someone proves himself worthy
Of the sword that can cut my chains
Its imbedded in my soul and its composition heavy
But I have heard it is worth the stains
That make men bloody
I can endure the pain
Of freedom
Perhaps he'll see past my heavy breathing
And understand our lives'
Are weightless

Perhaps he'll dance with my alter egos
And introduce masks of his own
Perhaps he'll decode the superstitions
And cast me far away from this throne
This prison
Imagined love is dangerous and deadly
It wears away at his soul
But if he dives deep into the waters
Of eternity
He'll wakeup rebirthed and know
The metaphors
Are orchestrated in the garden of a lonely home
I need him

This need takes many forms
Like I do
It shapeshifts like those moonlit nights
But if he can endure his soul
And lusty passions
He won't wake up alone
Every hungry night
I do not need him now but I will need him soon
Perhaps I will practice flight
Until then
Perhaps I'll just die

Part-Time Love

The soul and the heart may be attached
But they are not the same
Not in my case
Hopefully
Not in yours for that matter
Hopefully
We all gave up our hearts
700 years ago
Evolution or something
Anyways

If you were to address the matter of love
And its rightful place
Who is to truly know
If it dwells in the heart or soul
I'm hoping both
In my case
Though I gave up my heart
And you, yours, long ago
There must still be love
In our souls
Some love would be displaced
By our detached hearts
But some can glow
In the part of us we know least
In the part
You would never own

In the part
You can't give away
On clear or rainy days
When you feel like giving up
When you don't want to feel
When you beg for pain
I think I'll love again
Even without my heart
If its all the same
To you

Fear and Love

Mr. Moon,
I havent been home in years
I've been dragging the tiny skulls of my fears
Behind my dusty back
Tied round my neck by
Tiny strings
Everywhere I roamed
They attached them to me

I miss you
I mimic longing looks of love
Deep love
"What?"
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
I don't know
I do know
I knew it was you behind his eyes

And his eyes
Not quite his, but almost, still
I haven't been home in years
Those who know
Of those strings with little bones
Think me silly
Better of them to think that
Then to have them know

Of the debt I owe
To you- I took your heart
I left it at home
And until I find mine
And pay you my soul
I'll keep collecting
These tiny fearsome bones

Dreams Make for Poetic Dissonance

Outside this building there was


Two huge trees and a water system

With large piping connecting to a shallow

Pool of water

Something happened and She got stuck

In the piping but He went to go find

Her



They both disappeared. She showed

Up about an hour later but we still

Couldn’t find Him. Then we found a

Body stuffed in one of those pipes-

Still no Him.

It was some ten year old kid. Then

A lot of kids were

Climbing on the largest tree. It was huge

And had a wide trunk.



I started looking at a narrow space between

The leggy roots

Of the tree

And the mucky ground

I saw a limp foot. It was Him-

His body was pinned down, face buried

In the mud.



I asked someone if He was still alive

They said “Probably not”

We pulled Him out

And starred at Him for a few minutes

He finally came alive

I stared into His empty eyes
We didn’t say anything.

Why I hate Dogs

I keep my nonperishable groceries in a plastic bag on the floor in my room
They say you turn into your mother
I am horrified of this truth,
And justify my actions:
-She'll eat all of it- it would be a waste of the healthy food I'm trying to fuel my body with
-I used my own money its mine
-I refuse to eat her unhealthy food and be part of the reality she's superimposed on our household
-Its not the same as when she hides cookies in the drawer in her room

So today I got home and found urine on this plastic bag
From her dog Oliver
I hate him
He is smart, and when I tell him "Oliver, I hate you"- he knows.
I hate him so much
I tried to keep my door shut
But I saw his action and it filled my heart with total rage
I threw out the bag and my precious food

I used to yell at him and he would tuck his tail between his legs
Now I've given up
Why does he do it?
- Its not that I really care- Still...
Is it that he has mutual canine hatred for me?
Is it out of his loyalty to my mother- some cruel demonstration of retribution?
Is it his way of telling me he is superior?

No.
He's just a dog.
Though he hates me, he's probably just marking his territory.
I take no responsibility for his obvious lack of better training.
I imagine him pushing my door open with his snout
Snooping around for food, and finding the bag.
As he's standing there, urinating, he hears the pitter patter of his bodily fluid
On the plastic bag.
The sound soothes him.
And he eventually retreats back to her throne.

Tea Time

Pining for the last drops of oolong
My tounge laps up the nectar
I wipe my chin
A muscle memory
My mind drools as I savor it slow
Swimming in pools of chinese tea
You- swimming naked
Taste my oolong lips
Sweet and fresh
Take my chin from me
Regurgitate the salivation
Trickling from my wanton mind
Savor the drops of oolong
Pine for the delicate flavor
There's one drop left
Share your rare nectar
With the tea master

Jaded Mantra

Living attached to the echos of a 1990's mantra
"Why Care"
Inundated in consumerism
Longing to detach from the soul
Since infancy
Never deserving to live thousands of years like the men of old
In a cigarette society
Live fast and absurdly destructive
Vastly obscure- comforting
Ambition drives the mortal body to unforetold magic
by men of old
The kingdom of death built
Treacherous, if granted more years

The musician is kept sad and detached
Sorrow without reason
Swimming in stagnant shallow pools of unforgiven tears
Swimming? No, floating
Pinned beneath countless warm bodies
The type of warmth evoking vomit
The musician is kept sad and cold
What is he singing of?
Is it a past relationship, his label, his friends, his lover…
They keep his words pained
It should have grown old

What a horrendous glimpse of the future
For the men of old
Teenagers angst is beautiful and wrong
Society lost her teeth long ago
Fighting and change- constant penetration
Left her numb and cold
She will let her teenage children take their lives
As they echo that ancient 1990's mantra
"Why Care"
Ribbons of truth are too permanent
For the young mortal body
Too resounding for the immortal soul

Post-Teen Angst

Will you come along with me tonight?
I want to get angsty
My life is great and my future is bright
You are young and you are full of life
But I think we can act dead inside
It'll only take five minutes
I'll paint my eyes black and throw on a hood
Turn my smile off and scowl at the world

Smoke this cigarette with me
Let me drive fast, loud and dark
Roll down your window for good shivers
Lets pretend with sinister whispers
That our lives are much grimmer.

Dont wash your shirt or hair
Wait outside your house I'll meet you there
Pretend you don't care about me
Or anything
Think about how the world is dying
And we can punch walls
Get our knuckles bruised

Lets be angsty tonight, just me and you
Because sometimes I miss being sad
And having nothing good to be or do

He Said I Was Evil

I am going to be the fire in your chest
Carcinogen drags from my lips
Will tourch your fresh lungs
Like trip wires in mine fields
Explosions destroying the fertile soil of your mind
You tread lightly
But not for long
I've made shackles for your strong legs
Ones
Of pain, desire, fear, misery-
Ones of total lust

I'll pull you in
Beyond what sin could condemn your guilty conscience of
Beyond seas of stars
Beyond flaming light eminating from my dazzled skin
You will crawl towards me
Beg to be free
My fire is inescapable
Desire has left you frail
Freedom is as light as charred bones
And because you know
I will take you there

Drowning in an Ocean of Souls

Recently I have been very reflective of my personal life, journey, and ever moving state of being. Whenever leaves begin to fall beckoning winter, and the tyrannical icy winds begin their reign, something old and deep is restored in me. On this particular winter break, I have remained a lowly gypsy, dancing in and out of the detailed lives of friends and acquaintances made friends in lovely little gusts of motion. Though I have dived fully into the lives of others, and enjoy submerging myself in their persons, it simultaneously causes me to think hard on myself, and extract meaning and understanding of my breath.

A new lense has been leant to me upon with to filter these ideas, and God has graciously cleaned it for me. And that is, that with every person is this pull between an infinite, unmovable weight, and an unbearable lightness of freedom.

So here I am. Here we all are: cemented to this physical tangible, inescapable, crushing reality of earth. We are a droplet in a viscus network of fluidly moving lives. Some flow in streams, some oceans, some seas and lakes, with the occasional and violent storm- we find ourselves moving along time and reality in a giant swirling, uncontrollable body of souls. To realize all the intricate, important and real lives living around you is to choke on ocean water, or to be pummeled by a wall of sea. We find ourselves, inevitably, chained to our physical realm and concerns. But this is something we know. We are used to the throws of life. We expect most, not all, of life's turns and tides, and are comforted by the gravity this existence gifts us.

And then were asked to turn our eyes away from the sea and look up to the heavens. And there we see God removed from what binds us. Perhaps sometimes angry, resentful, and always with a great deal of frustration we look up at him and wonder why. Why must we be shackled so if only to be ultimately untethered. Why must we sink in an ocean of dying souls and never ending human complexity when he is free? Why?

But instead of answers to any of life's mysteries or gnarled questions, he lets down a small string from his fingers- one that would never support the weight of my body, or burdened soul, and pulls us up. We find in this strange moment that we are free, ascending somewhere closer to heaven. The weight of our existence vanishes, and we transcend like a vapor, from the world that binds us. In this experience I have come to find he does not pull us out with him- he pulls us into him- into his freedom.

In this utterly light suspension, He may show us glimpses of how he sees us, how he sees the world, most importantly how he sees that ocean of souls. And instead of fighting currents, choking on waves, or drowning underneath the depth of others, I find myself gently gliding through people, on his back. He guides me towards new waters, and with my sight above, I have all clarity and perception.

This is the most indescribable experience I seek to muse upon. But what I have learned, is though sometimes I long to dive into the deep end of earth and warm my arms with the comforting pull of its shackles, and though I have not yet known the full transcendence of life, I am most content to ride through life with God wading me through those waters. Life is so beautiful! The people, conversations, experiences, and journeys he wants us to take are infinite and scary and unfathomable but they are also filled with humans. If theres one thing I know about myself its that I have been given a love for people that I wish to match with my Savior. Life in shackles is dark and romantic and exciting, but I believe I have been called to a weightlessness that can only be bearable with the loving kisses of my God.

The poetry I will be sharing with you all today is about love. Its  about human connections. Its about higher powers. And its about sorrow. I hope you find some pleasure in hearing these musings, and perhaps, connect with some truths I have found in my own life. The first poem I will share with you guys is:

Vows of the Enchantress

I am going to make you fall in love

You don’t deserve an inch of me

But I’ll make you want it

Expose you to all of it

When I take you there-

To the depths of my dark soul

-You’ll be gasping for air

-You’ll be all alone

I’ll make you know

What your heart has never had

I will make it glow red

Not exclusive to passion,

I’ll fuse it to a new light of life

You’ll wonder who I am and

What you have become

I will hurt myself playing

With the fire in your lungs

But that's the price

Of raising hell

I will bury your body down that well

And you’ll wish

But never be released

From my spell

The Vast Darkness Around the Moon

I felt an icy chill down the back of my neck
Mr. Moon is that you?
No, its beginning to snow
Again
Besides, the soft wet snow isn't the same
As your sharp claws stroking me

Hopefully winter will be over soon
I love the snow because it reminds me of you
However, you see
It separates you from me
I can still see your glow
Emminating through the thick mist
Penetrating my heart

His hands are never cold
They course with flaming angry blood
Something I have never known
But how I imagined, perhaps
Your hands are cold like mine
We were forged in ice
And darkness

I've never met your kin
Are they rock and ice?
You said I am made of magic
I came to you
A vision realized
But I can't help thinking
About my home, my heart in space
About your face

Reach down to me Mr. Moon
Your touch never comes too soon
I long for your piercing teeth
Your cold stares
I need chills down my spine
These pillows of snow are far too soft
He hides me from your biting winds

You don't have to take me there
Yet
Just open the sky
Let in your light tonight

Mr. Moon's Dream

Dear child
I know I am made of diamonds
Only you
Penitrate my heart
You hate winter
But I love your skin before
The sun stings you with his kisses

I have a dream
My darling
I believe we could be together
We're still worlds apart
I dream of holding you in my arms
As I gaze at you from afar
After all, our love is eternal

Though I am made of diamonds
My sweet girl
I have no money for you
But I believe in you
Your mind dances with brilliance
You will make money
Someday

Good heavens My Lovely
I would never ask it from you
But you see
There is a space station right by
You could visit me
Every day if you'd like

Then maybe the Sun
Would leave you alone
And I wouldn't have to die
Every time
Another man takes you home
Every time
The cursed heavens
Block you from my view
Every time
You close your curtains
Every time
You dream
And I'm not there to rescue you

Alone Without Mr. Moon

Mr. Moon why did you leave me alone?
This was a neighborhood
I used to know
Sitting outside without your glow
I can see my neighbor is home
Again
Staring outside his window
he wears a black ski mask
His eyes burn dark and it frightens me so

I look down my block
Someone has a red light on
Now that your gone
The air is thin and chrimson burns
In the Shadows all night long
And by the time I get back home
The door is already open
I'm not alone

I can feel him in my room
In my dreams
Where are you Mr. Moon?
I open the curtains and stare out my window
The Shadows in my room frighten me so
And when I lay down my head
On my pillow
The covers are icy with dead snow

And the Shadows,
They don't say nice things to me
They think they know
Everything, and say you hate me
Mr Moon, prove them wrong
Say it isn't so
Pierce your pure light
Throw my shower window
Without you, this is not my home
He left a handprint on my mirror
My breath quivers for I know

They won't let me wake from my dreams
Pull me deeper into nightmares
Which usually are fine with me
but here the nightscape is an eternity
Without your love to comfort me

This is a plea for my life Mr. Moon
I know what the Shadows wish to consume
I don't know my neighbors or my room
And my heart burns crimson
Can you smell the fumes?
Hurry if you can,
Return with your salvation light
Because if you don't
I may never wake tonight

Rap is the Novociane of the Young Masses

I am not writing a heated blog weather rap should or shouldn't be listened to, but rap itself is an important topic for several reasons. With the revolutionizing of technology, one of the primary areas being transformed in our consumer lives is music. I know the baby boomers and X gen folks think they cared about music a lot, and trust me, where do you think the Y gen got their behaviors from in the first place, but music is a fundamental component of every young person's self definition.

Everyone I know my age uses music to define who they are. It is the biggest social connector, the biggest influence on cognitive developments, and really the biggest thing my generation cares about. Y gen neeed constant stimulation, and that is supplied by their musical investments. Music is relatively cheap and harmless from a parents perspective, but music shapes who they are, in most cases, more than parents do after they reach a certain level of cognition.

So now we come to rap. Rap can be intellectually and morally challenging for anyone listening. Its contents are vast and styles infinate, truly. But when observing rap artistry from the last 15 years, you tend to notice its real social impact on its listeners. It is not that those listening to rap engage in violent behavior or reckless hedonism because the music idolizes this behavior. In some cases, yes this is true. But I see some of the sweetest, young girls listening to rap. We see countless "hipsters" and "popular kids" and athletes and nerds and you name the demographic- they listen to rap. These kids aren't all joining together in a social revolution to destroy the moral foundation of their parents, no, something I believe that may be longterm more detrimental is occuring.

What is going on here? Those who listen to rap are becomming numb. There are several other social contributers to this phenomenon of young people- mainly deriving from our constant need and supply of stimulation. The superficial content of most pop rap is so base and primal that its listeners have no need to feel anything. I say this from experience. Many times when I was feeling overwhelmed from grief or anger or confusion, I didn't want to listen to my angsty and thoughtful alternative music, I wanted rap. I would listen to rap, hear something outrageous and dumb that I didn't necessarily agree with, and bump along to the beat. And  I never necessarily feel better, I just quit feeling anything.

Certainly, some emotions are evoked purposefully in rap- rage, lust, excitement, happiness all can be generated from listening to it. Some more poetic rap artists are so articulate, they've made me cry from the deep and heartfelt content they pour out. But in most cases, I find that prolongued exposure to rap doesn't necessarily change the moral values you posess, simply from the contrasting moral framework, it just makes you care less and less about morals. Values- things you were taught to hold dear, are things you don't care about as much.  You become less inclined to emotionally engaged in anything. Feeling passionate and inspired aren't as appealing anymore because that requires you to believe in something, and its easier to not believe in anything. Its easier to keep listening to something that isn't real and you don't take too seriously than to be serious.

My generation is connected to the world and disconnected from themselves and from their parents. We'll care about some things, but as long as it poses no risks or challenges for us personally. We've seen our parents battle about so many different things- religion, politics, science, world views- and we don't see the point in all this fighting. We think that as long as no one cares about something too much, everyone will be happier and easier. To a certain extent, us young people are right. But this is extremely concerning for me. If we are all trying to achieve constant stimulation and desensitization to pressing issues, then what will we have when the time comes to stand for something real?

What will we be able to stand for other than what we listen to? I'm not just conserned about religious faith, I'm concerned with the practice of faith in its entirity! We're losing our ability to trust in and care about things that require personal investment. We accept everything and do nothing because we don't see the point. Its because of what were listening to, and its because of who is raising us. Mom and Dad, stop telling your kid to "stop listening to rap! Its horrible and bad!" because they know that. Give them reasons for values and morals other than superficial consumer enterprises. Show them why emotions are important. Show them the hurting world around them. And show them that you're not going to fight with other people all the time. Because in a few decades, were going to have a real mess on our hands.

If you listen to rap and disaggree with me, finding my assertions rude, I am truly sorry. There are many exceptions to the generalizations I've made. I know many good people who listen to rap, and I know many versions of good rap that don't do any of the things said mentioned. I just had to make these generalizations for the sake of being consise.

Why I love my Church

I've been at New Covenant for about a year and a half now, and all I can say is the journey has been incredible. I'm so blessed to have this part of my life enriched and restored. I am excited for what God is doing and will continue to do with NC, and I can't wait to watch it unfold. The reasons why I love my church are simple, yet very profound at the same time. I don't know of many groups of believers like these, and I am humbled to sit amongst them. So- here go the reasons.

5.) The 90's are back and they don't even know it.

From the lion king worship ballads to the light brown wooden furniture to the tan colored everything, our church's aesthetic is as 1990 as it can get. This is AWESOME. First of all, this style is coming back in full force in the next few years, and why wouldn't it? The 90's were a great, simpler time when everyone was tired of the loud, flashy, cheesy 80's. Everyone liked things plain, clean, and if they did something, it meant something, (with exception to grunge). Those principles seem to be etched into the floorboards of New Covenant. That's just the thing too. Its never been a concern of NC to be trendy, and cool, and hip- they just want things simple and nice so everyone can focus on the main attraction: Jesus. Its not that my church doesn't care about being relevant, its just they want Jesus to be relevant. The building is well designed and clean, and even though the stage and walls may lackluster, none of the people in there came for the walls.

4.) Free donuts!

I'm Dave Row's daughter how could I not like free food? On a serious note however, I love that our church has free pastries and coffee every week. You don't have to wait in line to pay for any of it and be totally consumed and distracted by your meal. They treat you like grown-ups and let you drink/eat in the sanctuary if you didn't quite finish. And you get a chance to fellowship with all the church members. This is an old tactic that churches have been using since Jesus' time, so why change a good thing? With everyone eating free food and talking together, it puts everyone at the same level. And anyone who might be grumpy during the service because they're hungry, will instead enter God's place of worship with a satisfied stomach and a full heart.

3.) Did the pastor really just say that?

I never know what my dad is going to say in the pulpit. Not that he ever says anything sacrilegious or distasteful or wicked or obscene, its just he is bold. Many issues are heated, or pressing, or just plain difficult to talk about, but that never stops my dad from addressing them. His boldness comes from his absolute trust in our Lord, Jesus Christ. He will never back down from saying something that needs to be said, even if he's scared. My dad isn't some crazy radical offensive preacher who enrages his congregation, he's a pretty funny guy. Jokes are in his nature. Maybe someone would argue his joking is too much, and they wish he was more serious. However, every week when I leave church, I have a burning in my heart- a call to action to change something in me, or in the world around me. I am convicted and restored every week. If I can be convicted and pressed to impact the world even though I am Dave's daughter and know more about him than most, I know everyone else in that building has the same burning in their hearts.

2.) You're just a friend I haven't met yet.

New Covenant is so stinking nice! Seriously, I've never been surrounded by a friendlier group of people. And its not that everyone is inviting me over to their house and calling me and were all best friends and I think they might be brainwashed, no its a completely awesome experience. Imagine walking into a room full of people you don't know, but you can tell for some reason that they all love you, and each other, and that they're happy to see you. Its like going to a huge family reunion where you don't know most of your relatives, and all they want to do is say hi and give you a big hug, and you don't have to talk to them unless you want to. And no one gives you creepy vibes and everyone looks genuinely happy to be there. When I sit in service, everyone is attentive and has a glow about them, and when I laugh or feel stirred by the message, I look around and can tell everyone else feels the same way I do. The church does everything together. If one person stands up for worship, we're all going to stand. If one person sits, its the same thing. It is the most united group of believers I've seen. And it doesn't bother me at all that most of the people there aren't my age. I see enough young people at school, and there will be a time for younger gen's here. Anyways, the believers of NC are outstanding.


1.) Jesus is alive!
In every insignificant detail of New Covenant, you can see Jesus. We don't have Jesus posters everywhere, or scripture or other relics dispersed around the church, but he is reaching out his loving arms from every person's heart. I see him here. He truly is running this church, and everyone in that building is working to protect  that blessing. I am so overwhelmed by the beauty and goodness of the people congregating around me, and I am so proud and honored to call New Covenant my home. Its scary to leave a church for another, and not know what to expect from the people, but when you remember the reason why we're all going to church and the hope that is in every believer's heart, all those fears are cast into the depths of the sea. So, I'm not too sure what Jesus has planned for us here, but I know were all up for the challenge, and I know he has great things in store.

Thats it! Come visit New Covenant and see for yourself. If you don't want to, thats cool, but if you ever wonder how we're doing over here, here's your answer. <3 br="" nbsp="">