Satiating Curiosity

I've always had an affinity for the dark and strange, even gruesome fascinations, at times. My curiosity has long been stirred by supernatural and superstitious things. Stories of magic and creatures and immortality always create a deep sense of catharsis when mused upon.

In my faith, I have been brought up to reject these curiosities and desires. It has always led me to believe that what is taboo is what will always be most desired. But in the modern times we live in, hardly any idea one comes across is forbidden. Pursuits once deemed as noble or deranged are now dismissed as an umbrella concept of individuality. The line between hedonism and purity, once clearly marked, is smeared completely. And why is it, I feel, especially now, that choices for selfish living and indulgence are so accessible? Why is it that the new task for the "modern christian" is to walk as close as we can to a newly drawn line and beckon others to join in abstinence with no added value other than some poorly supported argument for infinite life and slight opportunities for spiritual encounters here on earth, when on the other side of that "line" awaits a freedom for curiosity spanning more articulate dimensions?

Here in lies the problem, I believe. It is a falsehood we quickly succumb to in our train of thought. I do not necessarily believe that what is forbidden is always to be more desired. It is the act of forbidding something, of drawing a curtain over the object, that lures our curiosity in. Perhaps some length of the curtain is drawn back, and we have the opportunity to glimpse a possible answer to what our prying fascination longs for. But that is all this act can bring. Once the veil has been lifted and the object fondled, the curiosity is satiated, and that burning desire is no longer attached to the thing.

Whether the curtain is drawn back fully, and the object is never obtained, or it is merely touched, or completely devoured- the quench for curiosity will never be fully satisfied. There will always remain, a burning desire to know and obtain, to search and discover. That is an inherit gift of man. How quickly we forget, that the greatest veil is death itself. That the most infinite being, designed us with a propensity to imagine, create, learn, and discover.

The Christian literary canon and the gospel were never intended to be seen as the answers to all of life's mysteries. They were meant to be used as tools, as catalysts for revitilizing a fervent curiosity to seek out the things of God, the things unknown. Not to give us as men the object behind the veil, but to pull back its curtain, to fuel that curiosity and its consequent noble pursuits, until death.

There is plenty of room left in scriptures to play with, discover, and imagine. Some say these pursuits are in vain, because we will never truly know until it is death we have finally met. Those who are afraid to probe and investigate cling to the scriptures, if they are religious. Those who are afraid and not religious cling to the things of the world.

Things that are dark and wicked and taboo and strange have a way of beckoning our curiosity, that with proper investigation and application, one may be able to attain that which lies beyond our mortal veil. However, rather than fighting against these dark luring forces, enticing our curiosities, we should look again, towards that which is light and pure. We should allow our curiosities to delve into the infinities of what is wholesome and lovely and good and perfect. What is harder to attain than perfection? What is more taboo in our society than devout purity?

This may come off as too preachy or mystical for you. But sometimes we need the mystic. We need to remember the other side. We need to explore and imagine infinity. We need to satiate our curious impulsions with exploration of things that benefit others, that echo hidden whispers of a world beyond our own mortality, things that make us wonder what it means to be good.

Of the first: Lazarus

He's been sick of this place for a while now. There's nothing left for him here. His talent and inspiration and motivation are wasting away and I know it. But I can't let him go. I can't let him leave me alone. Not after all we've been through. Not after everything we've fought to accomplish. Not after all the times he's been there for me. I've cycled through so many friends, I've watched so many of them leave, and I refuse to let him become one more ghost of my past.

You can't go. Oh, god, you can't leave me. Please, I'm begging you to stay. I'm not ready for this. Now can't be the right time. Just give me more time. Give it more time. Please don't leave me. Can't you see? I'll die without you. I haven't the strength to carry your legacy on in my heart.

Do you remember when I died before? It was you who picked the pieces of my shattered heart up off the floor, and showed me how to forge a new, monstrous creation out of the wreckage. Do you remember the blood pacts we swore? Do you remember the spells we recited? Do you remember how we found comfort in each other's loneliness? Do you remember how our powers grew?

My mind and body are shutting down on separate, chaotic paths of destruction. I feel the earth spinning, and we descend, like a watery dream, painting circles in my blood, clutching the curtain, lowering voices to a hush... don't let them try to patch me up.

That was you. That was us. Two years ago. Lazarus.
Lazarus- Beyond a best friend. Beyond a sister. Beyond a father. Far beyond a lover. What we have, what you gave me, in yourself, is far from what I could have hoped for. It's done nothing but grow. You have been my muse for three years now. Lazarus, my necromancer, my shaman in the night.

I have survived your departure. You have grown in brilliance and power and chaotic dismay, but you've been kept at bay. Two years ago, I thought it would all change. My heart broke and scattered a million times but it healed and we became stronger- perhaps- in preparation for this day.

Today is the day when you break free. Today marks the day when you will truly begin to actualize the gore and glory you were destined for. I have been selfish and covetous of you for two years now and I can't hold you back any longer. This is your step towards what has always been yours to claim- I will one day meet you there. Do not reach back into the past for the haunting love of us tiny ghosts. Don't look back. Only those who have power and passion that reflect yours will have the strength to reach into the future, to reach out to you. All other ties are ropes pulling you back into a decaying shrine- its beautiful, but empty and void of any magic without you. Do not exalt it.

I love you Lazarus. I will not break and crumble and fall in your absence. We have things to do in the future. You have things to do in the now. They are of paramount importance. You have been through too much, you've accomplished too much, you are becoming far to splendorous for it to be tainted by any shallow pangs of past sorrow that those who stay here may bring. Do not count me among them. Keep shape shifting towards the future my truest love, and I will always be at your side.

This is not goodbye.

Your my forever boy.

I am your forever girl, so long as you'll have me.
- Ivy

Little Dove

Little Dove

I saw your nest fall

Splinter and scatter on the ground

Perched high on that shaky branch

The breeze was strong

Ruffling your delicate feathers

Your twiggy legs trying to hold on

Sweet little singing bird

I heard your sad, strange song

Carried along

By that violent breeze

It spinned and swirled around my heart

I followed it to that tree

But you were gone

Darling birdy

Come sit on my arm

Peck the seeds from my palms

Hide away in my hair

From the sun’s harsh glare

I wouldn’t keep you for long

Pretty little dove

I sometimes whistle your song

When I’m down

I think of lighter winds

And softer skies

And know you’ll take flight

And make a lovely little home

The winter won’t last long

Stay strong

My kindred little dove

Waiting for the Right Man

In the Christian sphere of influence, there has been a popularized notion that men need to "step up to the plate" in relationships. Men need to take charge, get jobs, work hard, dress well, stay fit, make intentional decisions, think about others, be a provider, lavishly spend their time on making sure women's spiritual, emotional, physical, and intellectual needs are met. The romanticized vision of traditional relationships is once again elevated to the pinnacle of success in intimacy. The woman should be financially provided for. The man should maintain his moral integrity. He should never even think about other women in a sexual context. He must only date with the intention of marriage, and if that is the intent, he should be intentional with following through.

This vision for the ideal christian man is challenged by popular culture as backwards and archaic. The narrative is seen as a direct push-back against cultural progression in the realm of relationships. This view has not serviced to dismantle the ideological infrastructure of the Christian man's role, but has further emphasized its necessity.

Both the popular Christian narrative for relationships as well as the secular progressive movements on human sexuality are lacking balance in their assertions. This stems from asking the wrong initial question. I will give you, what I believe is the right one.

What's important?

If you were to answer the question on the spot, I would imagine two answers: Love and Happiness.
Those are good answers, and I am not discrediting their validity, but I will tell you they are wrong. Love and happiness are simply symptomatic effects of defining what is important. I will also tell you that they are not static states of being that can be eternally maintained, unless you change their definitions. I will further assert that there is nothing wrong with not being able to maintain static happiness and giddy, infatuated love. Instead of getting into that discussion, lets go back to the issue of what is important.

There many ways to address this question, and it is one that will constantly shape every movement in your life- whether or not you are consciously addressing it. But on the issue of long term, intimate relationships between one set of two human beings- I think that is the question we must face dead on.

We are experiencing a liberating sexual revolution where men and women can marry whom they choose. Marriage is an institution founded in commitment to a sole individual. In the wakes of this progressive movement, several ideas have been raised as to what is important and why this has become an important issue. It is not that human sexuality and sexual identity is important, it is not that religious affiliation is important, it isn't even that societal norms are important- what has allowed this movement to gain momentum and precedence is human rights. We all should have the right to marry. All should be given the same opportunities, regardless of the other stuff.

But then you enter into the marriage itself and ask, what is important? And as you're trying to answer the question as purely and idealistically as you can, you start to look at the nature of a marriage. Marriage is a partnership. It is choosing someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. It is choosing the time and the person with which you want to actualize your future, your goals.... someone you want to pay bills with, sleep with, shop with, fight with, conspire and scheme with, eat with, get old with, be vulnerable with... everything till the day you die-with.

That type of alliance is one you will never have with friends, with your career, with your home... it is singularly reserved for certain familial contexts, and marriage. That sacredness and even definition of marriage has not been upheld, because people feel they pick the wrong person. And we pick the wrong people because we aren't answering what's important. If the life-time partnership and your partner in crime are what is most important in your relationship to both of you, then it will work.

What is most important to both of you must be the same, otherwise, every attempt to create something of substance and value in your relationship will be convoluted and short lived. And how do you determine someone who answers the question the same as you? First of all, you know because they're the type of person who is asking it. Second of all, you know because you ask it of yourself.

Knowing where you stand and who you are at the very core is what will guide you to your future lifetime teammate. And rather than demanding these behavior attributes out of man to somehow contrive a definition of what a Christian man and what his intimate relationships to be, we should ask him to ask this question.

And.... THE BIG AND.... we should be asking the same of women. We need people in this world who know where they stand. We need people who are confident of who they are at their very core because they ask what's important. They know what is important to them.... not just loose words that umbrella vague concepts of what is acceptable and familiar in the world... but actually understanding what we live for, what we would die for, and what truths are guiding the limited time we have on this earth.

The traditional marriage is a sound image to draw goals from and to try and replicate. But it is because when you look at the man and the women united, they support each other. They contribute. Their accomplishments and failures and ecstasies and sorrows are shared. Their lives enhance and compliment each other. They are two individuals who can accomplish many things on their own, but the vibrancy and expanse of what their able to create is enhanced by the unity of the other. They make more of a difference and enjoy more of the little things and understand what it means to be human more so together than alone.

That is why human intimacy in the form of marriage is important. That is why we must ask the tough questions. And that is why before running off subscribing to various popular ideals, we must always, always know where we stand and where we are heading. We must uncover what it really means, we must strip down, simplify, and refine the pile of rhetoric that builds in our mind without careful observation. And guys, lets really see if we can be what we were meant to be, lets do things with intention, and celebrate the freedom in knowing what it means to be human.

Paradigm Shifts: Technology

In our global society and economy, technology is overwhelmingly deemed as inherently good. The rapid growth of this industry in the last ten years has not given any time to contemplate, analyze, or speculate the societal repercussions these expansive changes will have. We merely guess. We merely imagine, with childlike faith (sometimes fear). But we have no true historical insight, beyond the recent effects of industrialization, to draw our conclusions off of.

In the United States, as well as other developed countries, the average man has access to the newest innovations technology has to offer. Without any understanding of its functions, the processes of design or assembly, these changes are placed in his lap, exposed right at his fingertips, and posed as an additional tool that is supposed to add value to his life.

Those who are skeptical as to the value these new technologies add, have no true insight with which to base their criticisms. Their fears are easily argued and readily dismissed by innovators and users alike. A growing pressure on the general population then ensues- if you don't adopt these new technologies, you will be buried at the bottom of the ocean of change that is taking place right before your eyes. Technology screams to the modern man, "Quickly, take my hand! Please jump in my boat. You are sinking and if you don't get on now, it may be too late!"

It becomes our hero. Technology is making our lives far more brilliant than man could have imagined. It asks men to stop imagining, with exception of employing the utilities if offers. "Imagine with us". It is the ship sent to carry man to new frontiers and new futures. However, when we look at a larger frame of this illustration, technology is also the cause, unclear if through deliberate intention, of this flood.

We are witnessing entire industries being swallowed whole by technological innovations, especially through the digitization and automation of information. (I am going to name drop some companies. This is not out of disrespect or disapproval, but just to illuminate the gravity of what is currently taking effect.)
Google- through its super-database and alluring advertisement space is killing newspapers.
Amazon- is destroying electronic retailers- small and macro alike.
LinkedIn is all but eradicating the recruiting industry.
Spotify is wiping out record companies.

And these paramount changes are just the beginning of a massive paradigm shift we will soon face. This is just a beginning. These are just the adapters and changers who stand the best chance of thriving in this new digitized economy. The consumers are becoming the products. The private walls of urban life are crumbling behind our social media presence and online footsteps.

We live in a society that is gluttonous in its creativity. This is where technology thrives. Scientific innovations are trapped behind doors of political tension, philosophical implications, historical transitions, and ethical concerns. All the positive advances in this field must give due credit to the aid of technological advances. In fact, all schools of thought and human advancement must, at the very least, give a slight bow of gratitude to technology.

Its expanses are limitless. Its power-limitless. Its impact is limitless. It has no constraints. Those who try to confine it are too weak in their assertions to be helped. Those who are moving technology forward aren't necessarily pummeling over all skeptics, however. They soothe the doubters. "We understand your concerns and assure you, we've had the same convictions. We promise that we are taking every effort to ensure ethical standards are upheld." But ethical standards are largely determined by social norms. And social norms are being shaped and wielded by the introductions of these new technologies. So really, the assertion of ethical and moral integrity, are all but idealistic hopes. They have no full way of controlling their impact.

Should we forsake our new technology? Should we embrace every new innovation with full commitment? Most of our convictions fall somewhere between the two. The success of navigating through this quickly shaping world will be determined by our relentless questioning of the utility and impact of the tools set before us. We must not loose sight of humanity, and we must not loose sight of what's important.