Post-Teen Angst

Will you come along with me tonight?
I want to get angsty
My life is great and my future is bright
You are young and you are full of life
But I think we can act dead inside
It'll only take five minutes
I'll paint my eyes black and throw on a hood
Turn my smile off and scowl at the world

Smoke this cigarette with me
Let me drive fast, loud and dark
Roll down your window for good shivers
Lets pretend with sinister whispers
That our lives are much grimmer.

Dont wash your shirt or hair
Wait outside your house I'll meet you there
Pretend you don't care about me
Or anything
Think about how the world is dying
And we can punch walls
Get our knuckles bruised

Lets be angsty tonight, just me and you
Because sometimes I miss being sad
And having nothing good to be or do

He Said I Was Evil

I am going to be the fire in your chest
Carcinogen drags from my lips
Will tourch your fresh lungs
Like trip wires in mine fields
Explosions destroying the fertile soil of your mind
You tread lightly
But not for long
I've made shackles for your strong legs
Ones
Of pain, desire, fear, misery-
Ones of total lust

I'll pull you in
Beyond what sin could condemn your guilty conscience of
Beyond seas of stars
Beyond flaming light eminating from my dazzled skin
You will crawl towards me
Beg to be free
My fire is inescapable
Desire has left you frail
Freedom is as light as charred bones
And because you know
I will take you there

Drowning in an Ocean of Souls

Recently I have been very reflective of my personal life, journey, and ever moving state of being. Whenever leaves begin to fall beckoning winter, and the tyrannical icy winds begin their reign, something old and deep is restored in me. On this particular winter break, I have remained a lowly gypsy, dancing in and out of the detailed lives of friends and acquaintances made friends in lovely little gusts of motion. Though I have dived fully into the lives of others, and enjoy submerging myself in their persons, it simultaneously causes me to think hard on myself, and extract meaning and understanding of my breath.

A new lense has been leant to me upon with to filter these ideas, and God has graciously cleaned it for me. And that is, that with every person is this pull between an infinite, unmovable weight, and an unbearable lightness of freedom.

So here I am. Here we all are: cemented to this physical tangible, inescapable, crushing reality of earth. We are a droplet in a viscus network of fluidly moving lives. Some flow in streams, some oceans, some seas and lakes, with the occasional and violent storm- we find ourselves moving along time and reality in a giant swirling, uncontrollable body of souls. To realize all the intricate, important and real lives living around you is to choke on ocean water, or to be pummeled by a wall of sea. We find ourselves, inevitably, chained to our physical realm and concerns. But this is something we know. We are used to the throws of life. We expect most, not all, of life's turns and tides, and are comforted by the gravity this existence gifts us.

And then were asked to turn our eyes away from the sea and look up to the heavens. And there we see God removed from what binds us. Perhaps sometimes angry, resentful, and always with a great deal of frustration we look up at him and wonder why. Why must we be shackled so if only to be ultimately untethered. Why must we sink in an ocean of dying souls and never ending human complexity when he is free? Why?

But instead of answers to any of life's mysteries or gnarled questions, he lets down a small string from his fingers- one that would never support the weight of my body, or burdened soul, and pulls us up. We find in this strange moment that we are free, ascending somewhere closer to heaven. The weight of our existence vanishes, and we transcend like a vapor, from the world that binds us. In this experience I have come to find he does not pull us out with him- he pulls us into him- into his freedom.

In this utterly light suspension, He may show us glimpses of how he sees us, how he sees the world, most importantly how he sees that ocean of souls. And instead of fighting currents, choking on waves, or drowning underneath the depth of others, I find myself gently gliding through people, on his back. He guides me towards new waters, and with my sight above, I have all clarity and perception.

This is the most indescribable experience I seek to muse upon. But what I have learned, is though sometimes I long to dive into the deep end of earth and warm my arms with the comforting pull of its shackles, and though I have not yet known the full transcendence of life, I am most content to ride through life with God wading me through those waters. Life is so beautiful! The people, conversations, experiences, and journeys he wants us to take are infinite and scary and unfathomable but they are also filled with humans. If theres one thing I know about myself its that I have been given a love for people that I wish to match with my Savior. Life in shackles is dark and romantic and exciting, but I believe I have been called to a weightlessness that can only be bearable with the loving kisses of my God.

The poetry I will be sharing with you all today is about love. Its  about human connections. Its about higher powers. And its about sorrow. I hope you find some pleasure in hearing these musings, and perhaps, connect with some truths I have found in my own life. The first poem I will share with you guys is:

Vows of the Enchantress

I am going to make you fall in love

You don’t deserve an inch of me

But I’ll make you want it

Expose you to all of it

When I take you there-

To the depths of my dark soul

-You’ll be gasping for air

-You’ll be all alone

I’ll make you know

What your heart has never had

I will make it glow red

Not exclusive to passion,

I’ll fuse it to a new light of life

You’ll wonder who I am and

What you have become

I will hurt myself playing

With the fire in your lungs

But that's the price

Of raising hell

I will bury your body down that well

And you’ll wish

But never be released

From my spell

The Vast Darkness Around the Moon

I felt an icy chill down the back of my neck
Mr. Moon is that you?
No, its beginning to snow
Again
Besides, the soft wet snow isn't the same
As your sharp claws stroking me

Hopefully winter will be over soon
I love the snow because it reminds me of you
However, you see
It separates you from me
I can still see your glow
Emminating through the thick mist
Penetrating my heart

His hands are never cold
They course with flaming angry blood
Something I have never known
But how I imagined, perhaps
Your hands are cold like mine
We were forged in ice
And darkness

I've never met your kin
Are they rock and ice?
You said I am made of magic
I came to you
A vision realized
But I can't help thinking
About my home, my heart in space
About your face

Reach down to me Mr. Moon
Your touch never comes too soon
I long for your piercing teeth
Your cold stares
I need chills down my spine
These pillows of snow are far too soft
He hides me from your biting winds

You don't have to take me there
Yet
Just open the sky
Let in your light tonight

Mr. Moon's Dream

Dear child
I know I am made of diamonds
Only you
Penitrate my heart
You hate winter
But I love your skin before
The sun stings you with his kisses

I have a dream
My darling
I believe we could be together
We're still worlds apart
I dream of holding you in my arms
As I gaze at you from afar
After all, our love is eternal

Though I am made of diamonds
My sweet girl
I have no money for you
But I believe in you
Your mind dances with brilliance
You will make money
Someday

Good heavens My Lovely
I would never ask it from you
But you see
There is a space station right by
You could visit me
Every day if you'd like

Then maybe the Sun
Would leave you alone
And I wouldn't have to die
Every time
Another man takes you home
Every time
The cursed heavens
Block you from my view
Every time
You close your curtains
Every time
You dream
And I'm not there to rescue you

Alone Without Mr. Moon

Mr. Moon why did you leave me alone?
This was a neighborhood
I used to know
Sitting outside without your glow
I can see my neighbor is home
Again
Staring outside his window
he wears a black ski mask
His eyes burn dark and it frightens me so

I look down my block
Someone has a red light on
Now that your gone
The air is thin and chrimson burns
In the Shadows all night long
And by the time I get back home
The door is already open
I'm not alone

I can feel him in my room
In my dreams
Where are you Mr. Moon?
I open the curtains and stare out my window
The Shadows in my room frighten me so
And when I lay down my head
On my pillow
The covers are icy with dead snow

And the Shadows,
They don't say nice things to me
They think they know
Everything, and say you hate me
Mr Moon, prove them wrong
Say it isn't so
Pierce your pure light
Throw my shower window
Without you, this is not my home
He left a handprint on my mirror
My breath quivers for I know

They won't let me wake from my dreams
Pull me deeper into nightmares
Which usually are fine with me
but here the nightscape is an eternity
Without your love to comfort me

This is a plea for my life Mr. Moon
I know what the Shadows wish to consume
I don't know my neighbors or my room
And my heart burns crimson
Can you smell the fumes?
Hurry if you can,
Return with your salvation light
Because if you don't
I may never wake tonight