5.27.2011

Difficult for Laughter


Coming out cold
Your eyes heavy with ice
The rope is still wrapped around your ankle
And your stomach, bottomless
Your mind comes back from the distance
No, still far away
Just as soon as you beckon light in
Darkness returns

No No No
Quick, sink your fingers into the ground
Hold on tight if you can
With that rope they'll pull you under
Under again
Only God knows when you'll return
But you're too far to remember
I've seen it before
Why do you think I'm not here?

5.23.2011

I Guess I'm Fine

How could you make me cry?
Didn’t you know it would only hurt my feelings;
Pretending like you could care less
Telling everyone nothing ever matters…
When do it I still wouldn’t dream of leaving
But it makes me want to cry.

How could you forget?
I’m only here because I want to be with you, Love
Because you deserve honor and sweetness, Love
But sometimes I need it to.
And I tell you I’ll never be angry, really.
But sometimes I want to cry.

How could you understand?
That there’s a whole life waiting just to live, Love
A whole part of you waiting just to take charge, Love
A part that looks just like a man
The man who could honor and defend me;
The man who hates to see me cry.

5.08.2011

Pinning the Heart's Wings

Holding a heartbeat so very still
Like the gentle pressure of a thumb
On a bird's wing-
It's not very cruel, but still.

When I'm nervous to the point
Of heart attack
You don't react, but instead
Absorb the blow,
Reminding me to be slow to anger.

But my heart can't take much more restrain.
I'd much rather
Unravel the chord and know
What it is you're keeping
In that slow, gentle hand.

5.04.2011

cute is one of my favorite words. I use it as an adjective, heavily, to describe anything and everything I deem thusly. However, I think sometimes it's approprite to reflect and analyze why we say the things we do. It's a good exercise. That, and it was brought to my attention that the way I use the word doesn't make sense. 


So, I'm trying to derive my usage of the word cute in a systematic, less stream-of-conscious manner.


american english dictionary definition of cute: 1. Attractive in a pretty or endearing way. informal sexually attractive. 2. informal affectedly or superficially clever.


urban dictionary definition of cute: 1.A girl who is lovely and dreamy and cuddly and shy and beautiful and awwww *druels* 2.1) used to describe little kids doing funny things 
2) someone that is attrative in an innocent way
3) used to describe someone or an act that's sweet, nice
4) something that you just want to squeeze, or keep
5) used to refer to something little, or related to being young
6) someone doing something silly, special
7) the baby is so cute when she dances in her mom's high heels 
9) it was so cute when johnny gave me a stuffed ewok and lolly pops from disney land!
10) that little puppy is so cute that i want to have it near me in my pocket because it makes me happy.
11) that pink, sparkly fairy princess dress was very cute!
12) it was cute when he told me that he had a secret, and then told me that he loved me in my ear
oxford english dictionary definition of cute: 1. Acute, clever, keen-witted, sharp, shrewd. 2. (orig. U.S. colloq. and Schoolboy slang.) Used of things in same way as cunning Now in general colloq. use, applied to people as well as things, with the sense ‘attractive, pretty, charming’; also, ‘attractive in a mannered way’.
SO..... with these definitions in mind, I had a pretty good idea of where I was deriving my usage of the word cute. I definately don't use it to describe anything clever or cunning, which was a distinct description given by both the OED and the AED. If you look at Urban dictionary however, many of the ways in which cute were used were ways I have used the word. I then realized other important words to focus on were attractive and endearing. Especially in regards to mannerisms, rather than physical appearance necessarily. 
attractive- pleasing or appealing to the senses.
endearing- cause to be loved or to be liked.
SO.... I've been using the word to describe things that are endearing, attractive, but in an innocent and socially humble way. To be defined as "cute" by me is a very good thing.  It means your mannors and behaviors exibit something that has a beautiful, attractive quality all its own. Also, they have to have a general air of helplessness.
(side note) It's really hard to say how the word jumped from being clever, and cunning, to attractive and endearing.... hmmmmm. INTERESTING.

this is cute.








5.02.2011

We talk about the destruction of earth and how God will smite the land in the end of times. We destroy our earth every day (this isn't going to be an environmental conversation) with almost everything we do to keep living. We die. Everyone. Some in more painful ways than others. Death and destruction. My thoughts constantly come back to the fascination of the flood.

Really, it's a beautiful, tragic, unreal idea. We're taught of the flood when we're young and accept the concept, then forget to address when we're older.It's such a poetic story really. That god would choose to purify and rebirth the whole earth from it's folly and wickedness. I'm going to paint some pictures that have replayed in my mind.

Imagine you're living in a place swarming with people. The beautiful lush earth is covered with prosperity. Prosperity in populations of animals, people, food, land. And it's really dark. Really really dark. Everyone is wild, they all do as they please. And the funny thing about them is they know the flood is coming. They don't care at all. They actually have made a physical stand against god. They welcome the flood, and death, and with the knowledge of their impending doom, they drink into the futile lusts of their privileged lives. It only gets darker with the brooding clouds, brooding massive storms covering the entirety of earths surface.

Water is pouring, and with each darkening day the stagnant pooling fluid becomes viscus, coating the people, the land, the plants until only shapes are distinguishable. And their eyes stay luminouscand yellow. Darting, lit up by the prospects of darkness. They rejoiced and praised their coatings, embracing the despairity and inhaling the dark waters.

Then, something happened. The land soaked in trepid waters gave way. Weather from the stresses of new mass, or from some cosmic disruption, the fertile, green, drowning land broke and out flowed massive bodies of boiling water. Water channeled under our precious earth maintaining the land and prosperity that they indulged in. Rapidly the fluid level climbed. Faster than the people could retreat, or swim in. They fell in the waters. Becoming a boiling stew of mountainous dirt, greenery, and bodies. No light could be seen anywhere. Silent. Dark. Perpetually deep waters. The earth that once was illuminated by the holy spirit, by life, by the heavens, was gone. Nothing but silence.

Something else happened. When all was still and silent, the dark, clouded heavens cleared, and shook violently. It was as if the clouds themselves broke, and water didn't rain, it fell, in massive sheets. Clean and heavy, almost instantaneous. And perhaps on the the arc, when the water settled and light returned, they gained courage to step outside.

They saw nothing but light. The clean, unbelievable world of water reflected the suns light in a clear sky. And when they stepped closer, they could see bodies, countless bodies floating or sinking peacefully in the stillness of a watery, cleansing death. As the dirt separated and evaporation slowly took place, the bodies slowly surfaced. It was unbearable for the boat members to step outside anymore. All they could see was a endless horizon of clean, wrinkled, bloated bodies....

Dark. But this is kinda how I think of it, at the briefest visual narration.