CONCERT SWAG

Where to begin? I'll get to the fun stuff in a second, right now, I wanna talk about Beirut. Oh. my. goodness. Zach Condon is a genius. The acoustics, rythym, pitch, vocal strains, clarity, harmonies were all flawless. Their stage presence was intoxicatingly effortless. Clothing style and set design was minimalist and artfully conceptual. Lighting was romantic, and let me tell you, I was so in love. So so so so so so so in love with the music, with Zach Condon, with the horns, the accordion, all of it. Magnifique. <3


But. Concerting involves people. Interesting people. Sometimes not a lot, but in this case, a lot of people. And people are well, people are funny.

I got my swag on faw shough dawg, but lemme tell you some things. Sometimes, its not ok to swag. Like, ok indie crazy boy swag is usually permissible, but concerning the 5'11" boy with fedora on puffy curly hair, cut-off jean-tee-shirt, and akward muscles, lets talk. YOU WERE STANDING LESS THAN TWO INCHES DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF MY BODY. you were grinding on me. You'd consistently glance back at me to check if I liked it. Isn't grinding supposed to work the other way around? And isn't that supposed to be done back at dat club? Not at BEIRUT?  Dewd, don't lift your arms up- now I definately can't see, and now I have to SMELL YO SWAG. that should definately never happen.

Sorry to offend but my disclaimer is that PDA is not alright for any couple. Holding hands- fine. Occasional kiss- cute. But DONT GET DAT LESBO SWAG ON right next to me. Its cool if Beirut turns you on or whatever, but why does everyone at the concert have to know that? The holdin yo babyghurl's waist while you whisper sweet nothings in her ear CONSISTENTLY, stroking her arm gently, swingin they hips back and fourth through the ENTIRE concert- is not ok. UN UH. I wouldn't be havin it with any other type of couple either, but the fact that you're a women dressed like da hood broz definately doesn't make me feel any more comfortable.

Oh my goodness and when I saw deze cats swaggin all over they place I was bout ready to pull out my glock, or fist, go rambo, and hit em' where it hurts know what I'm sayin? SWAG OFF. Hippies are kewl, but don't force your religion on me bruh. In fact, wanna fight? COME AT ME BRO. These kids were gettin they SWEATY RUDE BOY ON DRUGS HIPPY SWAG. no no no no no no no I don't wanna dance with you. Yes thats distracting and yes I feel the music but no I don't wanna smoke a joint with you and I normally don't mind you dancing but GET outta ma face boye. You dance gross. This concert is not about you. How come you're fun stresses others out? Don't go gettin yo nasty swag on cuz den  I can't get ma swag on and I'm made of muscles. I aint afraid to make a bigger scene and beat sum sense into yo. Mostly cuz if others don't wanna dance, let them be. And from what I learned that ain't dancing.

Thats all I'm going to complain about. Magician swag was fine. Bored girl too cool for school was fine. Couple holding hands, gorsh you guys were adorable. Old people pushing your way to the front- get you swag on. Me, I like standing starry eyed, occasionally crying or singing along, and looking around for mutual ressonance. Das ma swag boyeee ya herd!!!!
<3 Cheers.