Recently I have been very reflective of my personal life, journey, and ever moving state of being. Whenever leaves begin to fall beckoning winter, and the tyrannical icy winds begin their reign, something old and deep is restored in me. On this particular winter break, I have remained a lowly gypsy, dancing in and out of the detailed lives of friends and acquaintances made friends in lovely little gusts of motion. Though I have dived fully into the lives of others, and enjoy submerging myself in their persons, it simultaneously causes me to think hard on myself, and extract meaning and understanding of my breath.
A new lense has been leant to me upon with to filter these ideas, and God has graciously cleaned it for me. And that is, that with every person is this pull between an infinite, unmovable weight, and an unbearable lightness of freedom.
So here I am. Here we all are: cemented to this physical tangible, inescapable, crushing reality of earth. We are a droplet in a viscus network of fluidly moving lives. Some flow in streams, some oceans, some seas and lakes, with the occasional and violent storm- we find ourselves moving along time and reality in a giant swirling, uncontrollable body of souls. To realize all the intricate, important and real lives living around you is to choke on ocean water, or to be pummeled by a wall of sea. We find ourselves, inevitably, chained to our physical realm and concerns. But this is something we know. We are used to the throws of life. We expect most, not all, of life's turns and tides, and are comforted by the gravity this existence gifts us.
And then were asked to turn our eyes away from the sea and look up to the heavens. And there we see God removed from what binds us. Perhaps sometimes angry, resentful, and always with a great deal of frustration we look up at him and wonder why. Why must we be shackled so if only to be ultimately untethered. Why must we sink in an ocean of dying souls and never ending human complexity when he is free? Why?
But instead of answers to any of life's mysteries or gnarled questions, he lets down a small string from his fingers- one that would never support the weight of my body, or burdened soul, and pulls us up. We find in this strange moment that we are free, ascending somewhere closer to heaven. The weight of our existence vanishes, and we transcend like a vapor, from the world that binds us. In this experience I have come to find he does not pull us out with him- he pulls us into him- into his freedom.
In this utterly light suspension, He may show us glimpses of how he sees us, how he sees the world, most importantly how he sees that ocean of souls. And instead of fighting currents, choking on waves, or drowning underneath the depth of others, I find myself gently gliding through people, on his back. He guides me towards new waters, and with my sight above, I have all clarity and perception.
This is the most indescribable experience I seek to muse upon. But what I have learned, is though sometimes I long to dive into the deep end of earth and warm my arms with the comforting pull of its shackles, and though I have not yet known the full transcendence of life, I am most content to ride through life with God wading me through those waters. Life is so beautiful! The people, conversations, experiences, and journeys he wants us to take are infinite and scary and unfathomable but they are also filled with humans. If theres one thing I know about myself its that I have been given a love for people that I wish to match with my Savior. Life in shackles is dark and romantic and exciting, but I believe I have been called to a weightlessness that can only be bearable with the loving kisses of my God.
The poetry I will be sharing with you all today is about love. Its about human connections. Its about higher powers. And its about sorrow. I hope you find some pleasure in hearing these musings, and perhaps, connect with some truths I have found in my own life. The first poem I will share with you guys is:
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