Drowning in an Ocean of Souls

Recently I have been very reflective of my personal life, journey, and ever moving state of being. Whenever leaves begin to fall beckoning winter, and the tyrannical icy winds begin their reign, something old and deep is restored in me. On this particular winter break, I have remained a lowly gypsy, dancing in and out of the detailed lives of friends and acquaintances made friends in lovely little gusts of motion. Though I have dived fully into the lives of others, and enjoy submerging myself in their persons, it simultaneously causes me to think hard on myself, and extract meaning and understanding of my breath.

A new lense has been leant to me upon with to filter these ideas, and God has graciously cleaned it for me. And that is, that with every person is this pull between an infinite, unmovable weight, and an unbearable lightness of freedom.

So here I am. Here we all are: cemented to this physical tangible, inescapable, crushing reality of earth. We are a droplet in a viscus network of fluidly moving lives. Some flow in streams, some oceans, some seas and lakes, with the occasional and violent storm- we find ourselves moving along time and reality in a giant swirling, uncontrollable body of souls. To realize all the intricate, important and real lives living around you is to choke on ocean water, or to be pummeled by a wall of sea. We find ourselves, inevitably, chained to our physical realm and concerns. But this is something we know. We are used to the throws of life. We expect most, not all, of life's turns and tides, and are comforted by the gravity this existence gifts us.

And then were asked to turn our eyes away from the sea and look up to the heavens. And there we see God removed from what binds us. Perhaps sometimes angry, resentful, and always with a great deal of frustration we look up at him and wonder why. Why must we be shackled so if only to be ultimately untethered. Why must we sink in an ocean of dying souls and never ending human complexity when he is free? Why?

But instead of answers to any of life's mysteries or gnarled questions, he lets down a small string from his fingers- one that would never support the weight of my body, or burdened soul, and pulls us up. We find in this strange moment that we are free, ascending somewhere closer to heaven. The weight of our existence vanishes, and we transcend like a vapor, from the world that binds us. In this experience I have come to find he does not pull us out with him- he pulls us into him- into his freedom.

In this utterly light suspension, He may show us glimpses of how he sees us, how he sees the world, most importantly how he sees that ocean of souls. And instead of fighting currents, choking on waves, or drowning underneath the depth of others, I find myself gently gliding through people, on his back. He guides me towards new waters, and with my sight above, I have all clarity and perception.

This is the most indescribable experience I seek to muse upon. But what I have learned, is though sometimes I long to dive into the deep end of earth and warm my arms with the comforting pull of its shackles, and though I have not yet known the full transcendence of life, I am most content to ride through life with God wading me through those waters. Life is so beautiful! The people, conversations, experiences, and journeys he wants us to take are infinite and scary and unfathomable but they are also filled with humans. If theres one thing I know about myself its that I have been given a love for people that I wish to match with my Savior. Life in shackles is dark and romantic and exciting, but I believe I have been called to a weightlessness that can only be bearable with the loving kisses of my God.

The poetry I will be sharing with you all today is about love. Its  about human connections. Its about higher powers. And its about sorrow. I hope you find some pleasure in hearing these musings, and perhaps, connect with some truths I have found in my own life. The first poem I will share with you guys is:

Vows of the Enchantress

I am going to make you fall in love

You don’t deserve an inch of me

But I’ll make you want it

Expose you to all of it

When I take you there-

To the depths of my dark soul

-You’ll be gasping for air

-You’ll be all alone

I’ll make you know

What your heart has never had

I will make it glow red

Not exclusive to passion,

I’ll fuse it to a new light of life

You’ll wonder who I am and

What you have become

I will hurt myself playing

With the fire in your lungs

But that's the price

Of raising hell

I will bury your body down that well

And you’ll wish

But never be released

From my spell

The Vast Darkness Around the Moon

I felt an icy chill down the back of my neck
Mr. Moon is that you?
No, its beginning to snow
Again
Besides, the soft wet snow isn't the same
As your sharp claws stroking me

Hopefully winter will be over soon
I love the snow because it reminds me of you
However, you see
It separates you from me
I can still see your glow
Emminating through the thick mist
Penetrating my heart

His hands are never cold
They course with flaming angry blood
Something I have never known
But how I imagined, perhaps
Your hands are cold like mine
We were forged in ice
And darkness

I've never met your kin
Are they rock and ice?
You said I am made of magic
I came to you
A vision realized
But I can't help thinking
About my home, my heart in space
About your face

Reach down to me Mr. Moon
Your touch never comes too soon
I long for your piercing teeth
Your cold stares
I need chills down my spine
These pillows of snow are far too soft
He hides me from your biting winds

You don't have to take me there
Yet
Just open the sky
Let in your light tonight

Mr. Moon's Dream

Dear child
I know I am made of diamonds
Only you
Penitrate my heart
You hate winter
But I love your skin before
The sun stings you with his kisses

I have a dream
My darling
I believe we could be together
We're still worlds apart
I dream of holding you in my arms
As I gaze at you from afar
After all, our love is eternal

Though I am made of diamonds
My sweet girl
I have no money for you
But I believe in you
Your mind dances with brilliance
You will make money
Someday

Good heavens My Lovely
I would never ask it from you
But you see
There is a space station right by
You could visit me
Every day if you'd like

Then maybe the Sun
Would leave you alone
And I wouldn't have to die
Every time
Another man takes you home
Every time
The cursed heavens
Block you from my view
Every time
You close your curtains
Every time
You dream
And I'm not there to rescue you

Alone Without Mr. Moon

Mr. Moon why did you leave me alone?
This was a neighborhood
I used to know
Sitting outside without your glow
I can see my neighbor is home
Again
Staring outside his window
he wears a black ski mask
His eyes burn dark and it frightens me so

I look down my block
Someone has a red light on
Now that your gone
The air is thin and chrimson burns
In the Shadows all night long
And by the time I get back home
The door is already open
I'm not alone

I can feel him in my room
In my dreams
Where are you Mr. Moon?
I open the curtains and stare out my window
The Shadows in my room frighten me so
And when I lay down my head
On my pillow
The covers are icy with dead snow

And the Shadows,
They don't say nice things to me
They think they know
Everything, and say you hate me
Mr Moon, prove them wrong
Say it isn't so
Pierce your pure light
Throw my shower window
Without you, this is not my home
He left a handprint on my mirror
My breath quivers for I know

They won't let me wake from my dreams
Pull me deeper into nightmares
Which usually are fine with me
but here the nightscape is an eternity
Without your love to comfort me

This is a plea for my life Mr. Moon
I know what the Shadows wish to consume
I don't know my neighbors or my room
And my heart burns crimson
Can you smell the fumes?
Hurry if you can,
Return with your salvation light
Because if you don't
I may never wake tonight

Rap is the Novociane of the Young Masses

I am not writing a heated blog weather rap should or shouldn't be listened to, but rap itself is an important topic for several reasons. With the revolutionizing of technology, one of the primary areas being transformed in our consumer lives is music. I know the baby boomers and X gen folks think they cared about music a lot, and trust me, where do you think the Y gen got their behaviors from in the first place, but music is a fundamental component of every young person's self definition.

Everyone I know my age uses music to define who they are. It is the biggest social connector, the biggest influence on cognitive developments, and really the biggest thing my generation cares about. Y gen neeed constant stimulation, and that is supplied by their musical investments. Music is relatively cheap and harmless from a parents perspective, but music shapes who they are, in most cases, more than parents do after they reach a certain level of cognition.

So now we come to rap. Rap can be intellectually and morally challenging for anyone listening. Its contents are vast and styles infinate, truly. But when observing rap artistry from the last 15 years, you tend to notice its real social impact on its listeners. It is not that those listening to rap engage in violent behavior or reckless hedonism because the music idolizes this behavior. In some cases, yes this is true. But I see some of the sweetest, young girls listening to rap. We see countless "hipsters" and "popular kids" and athletes and nerds and you name the demographic- they listen to rap. These kids aren't all joining together in a social revolution to destroy the moral foundation of their parents, no, something I believe that may be longterm more detrimental is occuring.

What is going on here? Those who listen to rap are becomming numb. There are several other social contributers to this phenomenon of young people- mainly deriving from our constant need and supply of stimulation. The superficial content of most pop rap is so base and primal that its listeners have no need to feel anything. I say this from experience. Many times when I was feeling overwhelmed from grief or anger or confusion, I didn't want to listen to my angsty and thoughtful alternative music, I wanted rap. I would listen to rap, hear something outrageous and dumb that I didn't necessarily agree with, and bump along to the beat. And  I never necessarily feel better, I just quit feeling anything.

Certainly, some emotions are evoked purposefully in rap- rage, lust, excitement, happiness all can be generated from listening to it. Some more poetic rap artists are so articulate, they've made me cry from the deep and heartfelt content they pour out. But in most cases, I find that prolongued exposure to rap doesn't necessarily change the moral values you posess, simply from the contrasting moral framework, it just makes you care less and less about morals. Values- things you were taught to hold dear, are things you don't care about as much.  You become less inclined to emotionally engaged in anything. Feeling passionate and inspired aren't as appealing anymore because that requires you to believe in something, and its easier to not believe in anything. Its easier to keep listening to something that isn't real and you don't take too seriously than to be serious.

My generation is connected to the world and disconnected from themselves and from their parents. We'll care about some things, but as long as it poses no risks or challenges for us personally. We've seen our parents battle about so many different things- religion, politics, science, world views- and we don't see the point in all this fighting. We think that as long as no one cares about something too much, everyone will be happier and easier. To a certain extent, us young people are right. But this is extremely concerning for me. If we are all trying to achieve constant stimulation and desensitization to pressing issues, then what will we have when the time comes to stand for something real?

What will we be able to stand for other than what we listen to? I'm not just conserned about religious faith, I'm concerned with the practice of faith in its entirity! We're losing our ability to trust in and care about things that require personal investment. We accept everything and do nothing because we don't see the point. Its because of what were listening to, and its because of who is raising us. Mom and Dad, stop telling your kid to "stop listening to rap! Its horrible and bad!" because they know that. Give them reasons for values and morals other than superficial consumer enterprises. Show them why emotions are important. Show them the hurting world around them. And show them that you're not going to fight with other people all the time. Because in a few decades, were going to have a real mess on our hands.

If you listen to rap and disaggree with me, finding my assertions rude, I am truly sorry. There are many exceptions to the generalizations I've made. I know many good people who listen to rap, and I know many versions of good rap that don't do any of the things said mentioned. I just had to make these generalizations for the sake of being consise.

Why I love my Church

I've been at New Covenant for about a year and a half now, and all I can say is the journey has been incredible. I'm so blessed to have this part of my life enriched and restored. I am excited for what God is doing and will continue to do with NC, and I can't wait to watch it unfold. The reasons why I love my church are simple, yet very profound at the same time. I don't know of many groups of believers like these, and I am humbled to sit amongst them. So- here go the reasons.

5.) The 90's are back and they don't even know it.

From the lion king worship ballads to the light brown wooden furniture to the tan colored everything, our church's aesthetic is as 1990 as it can get. This is AWESOME. First of all, this style is coming back in full force in the next few years, and why wouldn't it? The 90's were a great, simpler time when everyone was tired of the loud, flashy, cheesy 80's. Everyone liked things plain, clean, and if they did something, it meant something, (with exception to grunge). Those principles seem to be etched into the floorboards of New Covenant. That's just the thing too. Its never been a concern of NC to be trendy, and cool, and hip- they just want things simple and nice so everyone can focus on the main attraction: Jesus. Its not that my church doesn't care about being relevant, its just they want Jesus to be relevant. The building is well designed and clean, and even though the stage and walls may lackluster, none of the people in there came for the walls.

4.) Free donuts!

I'm Dave Row's daughter how could I not like free food? On a serious note however, I love that our church has free pastries and coffee every week. You don't have to wait in line to pay for any of it and be totally consumed and distracted by your meal. They treat you like grown-ups and let you drink/eat in the sanctuary if you didn't quite finish. And you get a chance to fellowship with all the church members. This is an old tactic that churches have been using since Jesus' time, so why change a good thing? With everyone eating free food and talking together, it puts everyone at the same level. And anyone who might be grumpy during the service because they're hungry, will instead enter God's place of worship with a satisfied stomach and a full heart.

3.) Did the pastor really just say that?

I never know what my dad is going to say in the pulpit. Not that he ever says anything sacrilegious or distasteful or wicked or obscene, its just he is bold. Many issues are heated, or pressing, or just plain difficult to talk about, but that never stops my dad from addressing them. His boldness comes from his absolute trust in our Lord, Jesus Christ. He will never back down from saying something that needs to be said, even if he's scared. My dad isn't some crazy radical offensive preacher who enrages his congregation, he's a pretty funny guy. Jokes are in his nature. Maybe someone would argue his joking is too much, and they wish he was more serious. However, every week when I leave church, I have a burning in my heart- a call to action to change something in me, or in the world around me. I am convicted and restored every week. If I can be convicted and pressed to impact the world even though I am Dave's daughter and know more about him than most, I know everyone else in that building has the same burning in their hearts.

2.) You're just a friend I haven't met yet.

New Covenant is so stinking nice! Seriously, I've never been surrounded by a friendlier group of people. And its not that everyone is inviting me over to their house and calling me and were all best friends and I think they might be brainwashed, no its a completely awesome experience. Imagine walking into a room full of people you don't know, but you can tell for some reason that they all love you, and each other, and that they're happy to see you. Its like going to a huge family reunion where you don't know most of your relatives, and all they want to do is say hi and give you a big hug, and you don't have to talk to them unless you want to. And no one gives you creepy vibes and everyone looks genuinely happy to be there. When I sit in service, everyone is attentive and has a glow about them, and when I laugh or feel stirred by the message, I look around and can tell everyone else feels the same way I do. The church does everything together. If one person stands up for worship, we're all going to stand. If one person sits, its the same thing. It is the most united group of believers I've seen. And it doesn't bother me at all that most of the people there aren't my age. I see enough young people at school, and there will be a time for younger gen's here. Anyways, the believers of NC are outstanding.


1.) Jesus is alive!
In every insignificant detail of New Covenant, you can see Jesus. We don't have Jesus posters everywhere, or scripture or other relics dispersed around the church, but he is reaching out his loving arms from every person's heart. I see him here. He truly is running this church, and everyone in that building is working to protect  that blessing. I am so overwhelmed by the beauty and goodness of the people congregating around me, and I am so proud and honored to call New Covenant my home. Its scary to leave a church for another, and not know what to expect from the people, but when you remember the reason why we're all going to church and the hope that is in every believer's heart, all those fears are cast into the depths of the sea. So, I'm not too sure what Jesus has planned for us here, but I know were all up for the challenge, and I know he has great things in store.

Thats it! Come visit New Covenant and see for yourself. If you don't want to, thats cool, but if you ever wonder how we're doing over here, here's your answer. <3 br="" nbsp="">