Some days I long for apathy. The ability to remain unaffected, to come out unscathed, emotionally and mentally triumphant. To reach that point where you actually quit caring is so difficult, but I just imagine it would be so much easier there. Seeing the world not with jaded eyes, but apathetic eyes. Decisions made are simpler, and you never have to let feelings run away with your stability.
I've wanted that for some time now.
BUT
I refuse apathy. I've seen what it does to people, beautiful passionate people with dreams, ambitions, and uncontrollable hearts- they become numb. To desert real concern for the sake of stability is one of the worst decisions made. I understand wanting that. It hurts so much to let your heart remain vulnerable. You just say, that's it, I don't care. But if we truly stop caring, what's left? The answer- ourselves. Engaging in lethargy leaves only room for you.
SO.
Whenever emotion strikes, instability presents itself and I get hurt. Still, I purpose in my heart to remain affected- to let the injury strike, the pain to come, and the wound to heal. And when happiness ensues, I welcome it gladly, share it with others, and remember its sacredness. I cry in worship because my God loves me. And I cry for people who are hurting. I give big hugs, and I always say I love you. And I want to fix things. I refuse to stop caring. No matter how hard it is.
NEVER SURRENDER TO APATHY. Je t'aime <3
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